Service Levels

The customer issued a highly detailed RFP (Request For Proposal). They said that they wanted to purchase a message delivery service. In fact, what they wanted to do was specify in excruciating detail how messages should be delivered. Naturally, this request caused confusion for our response team.

“The customer specifies the breed of horse that we must use to carry the messages across New Mexico and Arizona,” the solution architect explained.

“Can we use Wells Fargo as a reference?” I replied.

“More to the point, Dan: do we have any horses?”

“And, in order to guarantee that we can meet the service levels, the customer wants to inspect our trading posts along the route. They want us to guarantee that replacement horses will be available at every other trading post.” The service delivery manager was baffled.

“Does anyone know how convert furlongs into meters?” The response team project manager asked.

“The customer recommends that we reduce our price by utilizing wild mustangs herded from Arches National Park.” The financial analyst was baffled.

“Why not from the Grand Canyon?” I replied archly.

“In order to assure that their packages are delivered securely, they want to inspect the NRA membership cards of the staff members that will be working on this project.”

“They also want us to provide invoices in Cuneiform. They mandate quarterly invoices so that their offshore financial hub..”

“Finally,” I thought, “something from the 21st century..”

“… at a Monastery in Bohemia will issue…”

“So much for 21st century,” I thought.

“ parchment..”

“Parchment?” I asked

“Yes, parchment payment stubs. It’s part of the required service level. And what are we going to do about the horses?”

“Maybe we should tell them about the Iron Horse,” the solution architect remarked. “We could even mention air mail.”

“They’ll probably think we’re talking about carrier pigeons. Perhaps it’s better to drag them out of the 18th century as a first step.”

The photo shows the technology used to transport the messages across the desert.