Off to Hong Kong

“Dad,” Darius began, “what’s wrong with the travel division’s routing?”

‘It’s obvious, Dar..”

“It’s not like they routed you to Hong Kong via Sao Paulo and Nairobi. All the stops are in the right general direction.”

“There are a lot of stops..”

“Of course it would be neat to see Sao Paulo ..”

“Hmm…” I thought. “I had a spare day in Sao Paulo and asked my host, who was from Rio, what I should do. His response: Fly to Rio.”

“… and Nairobi….”

“Darius!” I interjected. “The routing has lots of stops.”

“Don’t you like wandering through random airports?”

“No.”

“You’re kind of strange, Dad.” Darius replied. “What are you going to do in Hong Kong?”

“I have a business meeting.”

“One meeting? How long are you going to be there?”

“A week.”

“One meeting? Surely you’re going to do something else.”

“Sure, Dar. Sightseeing.”

“Dad..”

“And I’ll be collecting frequent flyer miles on the Star alliance.”

“Dad..”

“And I talked the travel agency into booking me on the Airbus 380 for the flight from Hong Kong to Singapore.”

The photo is from Iceland.. Luckily not part of my final routing to Hong Kong.

Service Levels

The customer issued a highly detailed RFP (Request For Proposal). They said that they wanted to purchase a message delivery service. In fact, what they wanted to do was specify in excruciating detail how messages should be delivered. Naturally, this request caused confusion for our response team.

“The customer specifies the breed of horse that we must use to carry the messages across New Mexico and Arizona,” the solution architect explained.

“Can we use Wells Fargo as a reference?” I replied.

“More to the point, Dan: do we have any horses?”

“And, in order to guarantee that we can meet the service levels, the customer wants to inspect our trading posts along the route. They want us to guarantee that replacement horses will be available at every other trading post.” The service delivery manager was baffled.

“Does anyone know how convert furlongs into meters?” The response team project manager asked.

“The customer recommends that we reduce our price by utilizing wild mustangs herded from Arches National Park.” The financial analyst was baffled.

“Why not from the Grand Canyon?” I replied archly.

“In order to assure that their packages are delivered securely, they want to inspect the NRA membership cards of the staff members that will be working on this project.”

“They also want us to provide invoices in Cuneiform. They mandate quarterly invoices so that their offshore financial hub..”

“Finally,” I thought, “something from the 21st century..”

“… at a Monastery in Bohemia will issue…”

“So much for 21st century,” I thought.

“ parchment..”

“Parchment?” I asked

“Yes, parchment payment stubs. It’s part of the required service level. And what are we going to do about the horses?”

“Maybe we should tell them about the Iron Horse,” the solution architect remarked. “We could even mention air mail.”

“They’ll probably think we’re talking about carrier pigeons. Perhaps it’s better to drag them out of the 18th century as a first step.”

The photo shows the technology used to transport the messages across the desert.

Zurich to Hong Kong

“I need to arrange a trip to Hong Kong and Singapore,” I explained to the travel division. “And make sure that you select upgradable flights on the St*r Alliance.”

“Upgradable? What does that mean?”

“I must have forgotten that I was speaking with the misers at our outsourced Ebenezer Scrooge Travel Agency,” I thought. “Book a fare class that allows me to use frequent flyer miles to upgrade.”

They called a few hours later with the first option: Zürich to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Prague, Prague to Shanghai and Shanghai to Hong Kong.

“Sounds like the kind of itinerary Darius would choose,” I thought.

“I’ve never heard of most of these airlines. Are they members of the Star Alliance?” I asked.

“No.”

“Then it doesn’t matter if the flights are upgradeable..”

“They’re not.

“Try again.”

The next option was equally convoluted and was equally rejected. I decided to be more direct by suggesting a non-stop flight on Swiss International Airlines, the Singapore Airlines Airbus 380 flight from Hong Kong to Singapore and Singapore Airlines nonstop from Singapore back to Zürich.

They offered an all-Singapore Airlines routing.

“I like Singapore Airlines” I thought wondering how many miles it would take to upgrade to Raffles Class. However, I wasn’t impressed with the first leg which got me to Hong Kong via Singapore. (It’s sort of like routing a flight from New York to San Francisco via Hawaii.)

Negotiations continue.

Parental Moments - Take Three

Memphis, Age 5

The family was ready for dinner. Nazy had cooked a large tuna casserole which she handed to me across the divider between the kitchen and the dining area.

Let the record show: The casserole dish, a Pyrex container had just come from the oven. Nazy was holding it with a hot pad. She handed it to me and I was using my bare hands.

As I gingerly moved the casserole from the kitchen to the table, I couldn’t help but be aware of the smell of burning flesh that overpowered the savory smell of tuna casserole. Finally surrendering to the pain…

Let the record show: surrendering to the excruciating pain…

… I dropped the casserole dish on the table. The dish shattered, the tuna exploded. Melika and Darius laughed. Nazy, for some reason, didn’t think it was funny. I was picking tuna out of my beard with my fork – a task that was not easy given the pain. Then:

“If you used two hands, Daddy,” Mitra said, “that wouldn’t happen.”

About 20 minutes later the family reassembled at the table. Nazy had constructed the back up dinner which she (bravely) handed to me to place on the table. I accomplished this task flawlessly. Melika and Darius clapped. Then:

“Thank you, Daddy. That was much better,” Mitra said.

Parental Moments - Take Two

Memphis, 3 years old

It was 5:00 AM and Darius was awake – and standing by our bed. Needless to say, neither Nazy nor I was awake. Darius wanted me to get up and was most insistent.

“Well, Darius,” I mumbled. “You go and look out the window. If the sun is shining, then I will get up.”

Darius left, checked the window and returned. He stood by the bed for a long time. Finally, I poked my head out from under the covers.

“Well?” I asked.

“Well,” Darius replied in deep thought. “Maybe the yellow sun is behind the black clouds.”

“Go back to bed, Darius.”

Syracuse, Freshman Year

“I’m going to Venezuela, Dad.”

“What?”

“I’m going to Venezuela, Dad. For the weekend.”

“Why?”

“It was the cheapest ticket that went to another continent.”

“When?”

“This weekend. A new continent on my list.”

“Is South America a real continent, Dar? It was attached…”

“… until they build the canal.”

Parental Momemts

Memphis, Age 2

“I don’t like you anymore.”

“That seems pretty clear,” I thought.

“I don’t like you at all.”

“Fine, Melika,” I replied. “You don’t like me, so I don’t think you need a Daddy anymore. I’ll just leave.”

“Good.”

“Goodbye, Melika.”

“But, Daddy….” Melika began.

“Ah ha,” I thought.

“… can you change my diaper before you go?”

Santa Barbara, Age 22

“I think I’ll go to Law School, Dad.”

“Do you want to be a lawyer?”

“Lawyers make a lot of money, Dad.”

“And you want to make a lot of money?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Dad!” Melika looked at me like I was stupid. “I spend a lot of money.”

“Finally,” I thought. “Something we can agree on.”

Of Mice and Dice

I was in the hotel when my mouse died. It began with an intermittent inability to move the cursor on my laptop screen and gradually degraded to gnerate double clicks only if when thrown against wall. At home, I have a back-up mouse. On the road, my dexterity is challenged by a trackpad. The latter device mandates, at least in my case, coordinated action from my right (move the cursor) and left (click or doubleclick) thumbs. Worse, obscure software, buried in the voluminous bowels of the Windows™ Operating System, is easily confused: I often found myself in ‘click and drag’ mode.

Fortunately, it was a quick trip. Back home, I used my wireless with carefree abandon, forgetting for the moment that I had another trip scheduled.

Because the mouseless experience had been so devastating and difficult, I was prepared when I landed in Frankfurt. I stopped at the electronics shop and purchased a wireless mouse.

Installation was simple and trouble free. But… the left click didn’t work. The cursor moved, the right click functioned, but the left click was dead. I eventually discovered a workaround: If I double (left) clicked (with vigor), I generated a single left click – and a lot of noise. After a bit of practice, I got the ‘hang’, actually the ‘throw’, of it.

All was right in the world. And then the iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii key began to stick.

The photo is from Valentine Day.

Questions and Answers

What is your personal opinion of the German Labor Laws described in a previous post?

I used to believe that the flexibility of the US approach was undoubtedly superior. In the current environment of off-shoring, near-shoring and relentless cost-cutting, I am no longer sure. Management is driven by short-term metrics, as pervasive and dangerous as the narrow horizon of the banking community. Moving jobs and cutting costs leads, in the short-term, to improved profitability – but it is not clear that it leads to long-term success. While it may be true that the cost of off-shore support is lower, it is equally clear that quality is often negatively impacted. Moreover, the manager who takes the "tough decision" to off-shore will be rewarded – in the near term – and won’t be around to clean up the resulting mess in the long term. And, while the analysts, who have no skin the game, will be happy, the company will lose the cultural knowledge and product wisdom of the displaced employees.

Aside: Note that ‘the analysts’ frequently d

isparaged financial performance of the prudent banks that didn’t jump on the sub-prime lemming track to corporate demise.

Moreover, the mess is rarely the fault of the employees who pay the price. The problem could be caused by managerial ineptitude or a changing environment. It is, for example, not possible to remain in business when the market disappears. (I wouldn’t like to be employed by someone who manufactures film for cameras and it might not be good to be in a company that prints magazines.) In this case, jobs will disappear and it seems reasonable to provide a respectable transition for displaced employees.

In other cases, what was standard practice, often for decades, simply vanishes. Automobile manufacturers and airlines, for example, provided, as a matter of course, pensions and medical coverage for retirees. New entrants, without these expenses are touted as brilliant and employees of the traditional providers are harangued as inflexible. Human nature, however, means that household levels of expenditure are based not on current income, but on past income and calculations about the future. Of course people are going to resist giving up what benefits that they have been promised. It seems reasonable to provide a respectable transition for impacted employees.

And, by the way, a 401-K plan from which employers can disengage when times get difficult, is no match for a defined pension. In addition, although the entire American medical system is dysfunctional, it is a fact that in the past, the employer paid for the insurance – and the insurance companies provided it. Both of these benefits are being eroded.

Finally, if the flexible employment system was so superior, we’d expect that the companies that fail to follow it unprofitably deliver poor quality products. Hmm.. would you rather have a BMW or a Chevy? How about GM or Audi stock certificates?

Another photo of Nazy – who is still miffed by the Iranian birth certificate debacle.

Christmas Tree Victory

After the holiday, Nazy and I carted the (gargantuan) Martin Family Christmas Tree downstairs. Fully, well, partially, aware of the Swiss recycling regulations, we knew that they would collect discarded Christmas Trees during the two weeks after New Year. Later, we discovered that they collect trees that are no more than 1.5 meters tall. Our tree, large enough when standing to require an aircraft warning light, remained uncollected.

We moved to plan B. In the cover of night, I took my clippers and cut off many branches from the tree. I placed, well I stuffed, the debris into the “Green Garbage” can. Later, I learned that contrary to common sense, evergreen debris does not meet the recycling definition of Green Garbage.

Creatively, I gathered a collection of old roses and tulips and stuffed them into the garbage can on top of (and hopefully obscuring) the evergreen. This worked – in the sense that they actually emptied the can. (If they can figure out who did this, we may receive an official fine.)

The tree itself – or at least the trunk of the tree - remained as an eyesore in front of the apartment building. Slinking out at midnight (once again) I sawed the trunk into 6 pieces and left them next to the Green Garbage can. Amazingly, a few days later these tree pieces disappeared.

You may ask why we didn’t burn the tree in the fireplace. It’s simple: evergreen resin is polluting and burning it in a fireplace is illegal.

The photo of Nazy is provided as additional compensation for an earlier posting.

The Year of the Tiger

As promised in the last post, a photograph conveying, more accurately, Nazy’s bubbly personality is provided in today’s entry. Naturally, the topic of the blog has nothing to do with the photograph.

Happy Chinese New Year! It is the year of the Tiger. In a few weeks (on the vernal equinox) it will be Persian New Year. Six weeks ago it was, eh, some other New Year.

On a personal note, I am unhappy to be born in the Chinese Year of the Dog – especially given my reaction to Dolce – Melika’s Dog. I would prefer to be a Dragon (like Mitra), a Ram like Darius or even a Rooster like Melika. [Nazy is so unimpressed with her Chinese symbol that I’m not allowed to rat it out in this blog entry.]

Can someone explain why the Chinese didn’t make every year exciting? For example: The Year of the Snow Leopard certainly sounds better than The Year of the Snake. No one born in The Year of the Pig would complain about a change to The Year of T-Rex. And surely The Year of the Cherry Blossom would be more popular than The Year of the Ox.

Happy Year of the Tiger: May you have health, happiness and prosperity.

The Birth Certificate

In Switzerland, whenever a birth certificate is required – for example to apply for a passport – the authorities will not accept the birth certificate, i.e. the one issued when you were born. The only documentation that they will accept must have been issued within the last six months. Since this seems absurd to me, I’m clearly not sufficiently assimilated to get a Swiss passport. Moreover, this approach raises questions. For example:

My real birth certificate – the one issued when I was born – contains a blue seal from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and inked footprints and handprints from 'Baby Dan'. I doubt that newly prepared documentation would be so cool.

Nazy, however, has a much more difficult problem. Her birth certificate, a nifty little book, was issued by “The Empire of Iran”. As such, it is no longer valid: she needs to get an “Islamic” birth certificate. And, to do this, she needed an Islamic photo and a trip to the Embassy of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Spousal Interrupt: “Surely you do not plan to put that photo in the blog. Right Dan?” Nazy seemed distraught.

Response: “Actually, my dear, it is important that this blog faithfully represent family activities.”

Spousal Response: “Publishing that photo could reduce the number of family activities that you are able to partake in.”

Response: “Is that a dangling participle?”

Subsequent blog entries will provide a more representative photograph of Nazy. Note: we have been married for more than 37 years. This is the only unsmiling photograph of Nazy that I have ever taken. There is something fundamentally wrong with a government that can erase Nazy’s smile.

Trash?

For me, the kitchen is a scary and mysterious place. However, with courage and perseverance, I’ve mastered a few basics: I can put milk (not water) over my corn flakes and I can load the ice cube trays with water (not milk). Aware of my shortcomings in the culinary arts, I avoid dangerous appliances – especially things like stoves, ovens, burners, pans, knives and the like. In the hands of the inept, these items are dangerous.

Nazy, aware of my congenital limitations, has delegated non-cooking tasks. Accordingly, I wash dishes and take out the garbage. Over time – we’ve been married more than 35 years – I been granted the freedom to make some decisions on my own.

Last week, just before guests arrived for dinner, Nazy asked (well, ‘Nazy told’) me to clean the kitchen. I washed a zillion pots and pans:

“Why,” I thought, “do we need multiple pans for one item? If we have a meat dish, then one pot, preferably one that can be thrown out, should be sufficient. I need to explain the principles of operational efficiency to Nazy.”

After washing, I moved into clean-up mode. Look at the photo at the beginning of this blog and answer the following questions:

1. Would you immediately conclude that the orange carcasses should be trashed?
2. Would it occur to you that the orange carcasses had been lovingly saved to serve as decorative containers for the home-made mango/orange ice cream dessert?
3. Would you be astonished if you spouse questioned your sanity, ability and thoughtfulness in the event that you answered question 1 with a “yes”?

Labor Law

“Germany!”Our CEO exclaimed. “60% of the complaints about management come from Germany – more than from any other country. Far more than from any other country. But – the absolute lowest attrition rate, 1.1%, is in Germany.”

He pretended to be baffled by this apparent contradiction: the biggest complainers were the least likely to leave the company. The rationale is actually very simple – German Labor Law:

• You can’t fire people in Germany for expressing their opinion.


• Workforce reduction in Germany is very expensive and may reduce the ‘wrong people’; management can’t pick and choose.


• The lack of flexibility in the labor market makes companies reluctant to hire full-time staff. This corporate reluctance contributes to individual reticence to leave an existing job – even if one that is not pleasant. The corporate and individual views reinforce each other to maintain the status quo.
  

Our company, certainly not interested in a very expensive work force reduction program is trying an alternative approach.

“The only approved company car will be a VW Golf.” I was told.

“Hmm..” I replied – pensively.

“In Germany, Dan, a car is not just a means of transportation. It reflects status and importance, competence and success levels. Can you imagine on of our sales people showing up at Deutsche Telecom, or DHL, or Beyer or Airbus in a Golf? A Golf!”

The photo is the Heidelberg Castle. Some things in Germany didn't make it through the middle ages.

Flight Plans

“I want to go to the wedding, Dad, but a ticket from Beirut to Chattanooga costs $1500, Dad.” Darius explained.

“That i$ a lot of money, Dar,” I replied.

“Or..”

“Or?”

“Or – I could use 100,000 frequent flyer miles.”

“Do you have 100,000 miles?”

“No, but I have 90,000 miles and Qatar Airways is a member of ‘my’ alliance. Do you think I should go to Bangladesh or Sri Lanka?”

“Excuse me?”

“I can take either trip for $350, earn the 10,000 miles that I need and get a free trip to Chattanooga. I even get to visit a country that you’ve never seen. Bangladesh or Sri Lanka?”

“I better book my trip to Antarctica if I want to stay ahead of him,” I thought. “Well...” I said.

“It’s a great idea, Dad. Right?”

“Are you sure you’ll get full mileage credit for your trip to, eh, Sri Lanka?” [“Bangladesh is under water,” I thought.] “Sometimes cheap flights don’t give full mileage credit.”

“I’ll probably..”

“Probably? Have you confirmed that frequent flyer seats are available on the day you want to go to Chattanooga?”

“Hmm..”

“Don’t worry,” I replied. “If you have scheduling difficulties, I’ll just ask Nazy to ask Saphura to change the wedding day.”

“You’ll do what?” Nazy interrupted.

“This is a man-to-man conversation with my son, Nazy. Why are you listening in?”

I will provide an update on whether this worked after the wedding.

The Tango

1993 - Princeton

Mitra had tried out for a part in Princeton’s Triangle Club musical production – unsuccessfully.

“But they invited me to join ‘Ding!’,” she said.

“Why didn’t you get a part in the play?” I asked.

“I don’t know enough about dancing,” Mitra replied. “But I’ll learn.”
2000 – Argentina

Mitra, working for a boutique marketing company based in New York, was in the midst of a round-the-world trip. The client was Exxon and the objective of Mitra’s research project was to understand the social context of visits to gasoline stations.

Note: I’m sure the objective was far more esoteric than I’ve depicted; I’ve simply conveyed what I remember.

Part of her job (I’m not making this up) was to get a ‘feel’ for the culture in the various countries she visited. Accordingly, she visited a Tango Studio. A passion developed for understanding dance – specifically Tango.

2009 – Los Angeles

With Stefan, Mitra created Oxygen Tango – the best Tango School in Los Angeles: “Tango helps us live life to the fullest.” They are building a community.

2010 – Los Angeles

“There is so much more to learn about dance,” Mitra explained.

“Maybe,” I thought. “But you’ve made a lot of progress and you’re really good.”

To see for yourself check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HZ2ZAinRQ0

And peruse the schools website: http://www.oxygentango.com/

The photo is from 1991

Olives and Baroni

“The party,” I said, “is Saturday. Why are you cooking on Thursday?”

“Timely and early preparation, Dan,” Nazy replied.

“Did Nazy say ‘early’,” I thought. “Early?” I said. “ A new word in your vocabulary?”

“Borani tastes better if it’s prepared beforehand.”

“So you’re not actually getting ready ‘early’. Right?”

“I’ve also prepared the dessert, which needs to be kept frozen.”

“The freezer is too small. And, did you say: ‘early’,” I asked – again.

“You can carry the dessert to the terrace; it’s cold outside and it will stay frozen.”

“And that’s because we want to be ready – early?” I asked.

“It will be cold inside, Dan, if you don’t drop that word.”

Borani is a mixture of yoghurt and spinach with a bit of saffron water and other exotic ingredients. The spinach is cooked before being mixed.

Aside: Although Borani is a Persian Delicacy, in my opinion, cooked spinach tastes like grass soaked in gasoline. This is not a thought that I routinely share with my spouse.

The mixture was expertly prepared and set aside to cool. Unfortunately, it was set aside to cool on a glass top stove which wasn’t completely turned off. Fortunately, I was not the one who left the stove burner (left front) on the ‘2’ setting. Unfortunately, I failed to access my well-honed husband skills before opening my mouth.

“It’s not easy to screw up the cooling down portion of a recipe.” I noted.

Nazy, glaring at me, opened a cabinet door and a jar of olives plummeted to the floor. It was a glass jar of olives and a tile floor. Glass shards, olive oil and whole olives were ejected from ground zero into the surrounding environs.

“So much for early,” I said as I grabbed a roll of paper towels and began cleaning up.

It was one 'early' too many.

The Iceberg

Defective accelerator pedals discovered in Toyotas? In Toyotas?

Flashback: 1984, Houston.

We had ordered integrated circuits from our Japanese supplier. A standard clause in the contact indicated that “no more than 1 in 10,000” could be defective. (The manufacturing process was error-prone and we wanted the best quality.) We ordered 100,000 chips. Upon arrival, we detected a small plastic bag of 10 chips in the larger shipment. An attached note basically said:

We don’t know why you want the defective chips, but here they are.

UnFlash

Japanese quality was a given. A certainty. And now? Defective accelerators on Toyotas?

Executive management focus in the past decade has shifted to ‘shareholder value’ and meeting, eh, beating analyst expectations. This is the way to get a (gargantuan) bonus. In the past, there was an annual planning and review cycle, but that gave way to semi-annual, then quarterly, monthly, weekly…

“Hi, Dan! What have you done for me today?”

… reviews. Efficiency is the mantra chanted by analysts and management. Sometimes things are sensible:

“We are spending $100B a year. There must be areas where we can reduce.”

Sometimes management is ridiculous:

“Our expenses are $100B/year. I hate spending. I want to drive expenditures to zero.”

To get the efficiency, companies move work to the lowest cost location – off-shoring, right-shoring, near-shoring and point-missing. The belief appears to be almost universal: The same or better quality is available (some-shore) at a (much) lower cost.

Hence the promise:

“Every one of the engineers at your call center in Beserkistan will have a Ph.D. and an IQ higher than 175.”

The truth:

“And they’ll all be 17 years old.”

The relentless drive for ‘efficiency’ has unpleasant implications for quality. Cutting fat (and muscle) before moving to an enumeration of DNA molecules inevitably degrades quality.

Example: Paying a commuter airline pilot $25,000/year – meaning that they have to commute from home (Seattle) to work (Newark) because they can’t afford to live away from their parents, may not attract very best staff. And, even if the pilot is another Sully, and he flies simply because he loves the job, the overnight commute will impact his ability to perform in an emergency.

Toyota? Just the tip of the iceberg.

Bo Derek Shopping Spree

To complement my business in New York, Nazy gave me a shopping list. Concerned - in fact, terrified, I prepared with a glass or two of wine with lunch before heading to the Century 21 store next to the hotel. Century 21 has a vast collection of designer items (mixed with a much vaster collection of designless items). The items are scattered randomly amongst thousands of square feet of racks, nooks and crannies. The store is always crowded. In short:

“The things I do for my wife,” I thought.

When I entered the store, I realized that I had forgotten my list. I knew, however, that Nazy wanted something from Purple from Pucci. "It has something to do with a movie," I thought locating a sales person.

“Do you have any, eh, Bo Derek’s,” I asked.

The clerk just looked at me.

I eventually located the Pucci rack in the hope that I’d be inspired by something that was purple. Unfortunate and clueless, I simply looked for reasonably priced items that were offered at a huge discount. Unable to decide, I headed to office for a meeting. Later, I called Nazy to ask for advice.

“What is it, Dan?” She asked.

“It’s a bargain,” I explained, sure to get her attention. “Marked down 70%.”

“But what is it?”

“It’s a, well, eh, it looks like a very short sweater with long sleeves.”

“That’s a bolero, Dan. That’s exactly what I wanted. What color is it?”

“It’s purple,” I replied. “Or maybe it’s blue.”

“Purple is a mixture of red and blue, Dan. Is it a red-purple or a blue purple.”

“It could be pink.”

“Pink!?”

“Maybe Pink mixed with, eh, yellow?”

“Hmm. Well, the price is right, so get it.”

“Actually, Nazy, I’m not in the store right now. I’ll go back tomorrow.”

“It will be gone. You simply don’t understand how shopping works.”

Nazy was wrong! [Note this officially approved exclamation.] Not only was the, eh, ‘bolero’, still there (in the right size), it had been marked down again – making it an even better bargain. The giant signs (“Further Markdowns!) grabbed my attention and I located something else in Nazy’s size. Bravely, I purchased it without input from Nazy. See photo above.

Questions and Answers (again)

You incessantly blather about headquarters – specifically the lack of any ability to make a decision. Are you actually asserting that no decisions are ever made at headquarters?

Of course not. Sometimes an executive steps in and makes a decision…

So there!

…. to sack people who ask questions. Sometimes, by a quantum-mechanical fluke, an actual decision is disgorged. For example, our company, reacting to the global economic downturn, cancelled orders, closed factories and drove partners into bankruptcy – thereby assuring our profitability for the year.

Well done.

Unfortunately, the economic downturn wasn’t as bad as expected and when things turned around, we couldn’t get product. For some reason our ‘partners’ preferred to deal with other customers. But we’re not worried; the person who made the hard decision to close everything was rewarded with a promotion and will now be responsible for cleaning up the mess.

Did you really shuffle between Terminals 1,4 and 5 and gates A and B at Heathrow?

No. I took the train – except for the walk from Gates B to Gates A at Terminal 5.

And we sell what?

I have vented on the USA Tax situation in previous posts. Some readers have suggested that it is a privilege to pay taxes. (I have referred these people to nearby psychoanalysts.) Some point out that, although the situation is somewhat unfair:

“It’s not that bad. You simply pay the same taxes that you’d pay in the USA if you were living here.”

I realize, of course, that what they are thinking is more like: “Gilded expatriates like you shouldn’t be allowed to take advantage of low taxation domiciles.”

Let me simply note that the exchange rate has gone from 1.72 (when we arrived) to 1.03 (now). Thus, if I were being paid, say 172,000 Francs when I arrived, that would be equal to $100,000 for (US tax purposes). Now, the same Swiss salary is equal to $166,995 (for US tax purposes.) It looks, therefore, I like I have gotten a 66.9% raise – even though my income is unchanged. Note,that my rent, grocery, insurance and other bills don’t go down just because the US$ collapses.
So, in addition to ignoring the international taxation treaty that they (the USA) negotiated and which is agreed by every country (except the USA, North Korea and Libya), they also mishandle the economy with the sole purpose of artificially inflating my salary so that I will have to pay them more taxes.

Yet this isn’t the worst that can happen. A friend of mine who has been living in Singapore for the last 23 years, discovered a large and unexpected withdrawal from an account that he maintains in the USA. It turns out that the state of California, discovering a California mailing address for someone who filed a tax return with the IRS, constructed an imputed tax liability, added penalties and interest and then simply took the money from his account. And, because California is a fiscal mess, they’ve fired all of the people who would normally deal with the irate and aggreived citizen. Note: This is not a situation in which my friend is complaining about unfair taxation. This is a situation in which even though no tax (i.e. $0; zero, nil, zilch) is owed, the government still took the money and will not respond to telephone, email or fax messages requesting redress.

The worst news? My employer sells the systems that find these tenuous links (California mailing address, Federal Tax form filed) that allows this confiscation.

The mountain photo depicts the safest place to flee – and disappear.

Who Cares?

Like everyone else, I am disappointed by Apple’s iPad announcement. I expected Steve Jobs to walk across the Mississippi while dispensing a few loaves and a couple of fish to the cheering multitudes. Instead, I got an iPhone that’s too big to put in my pocket - eh, or was that a laptop that’s too small to have a keyboard.

The frenzied reaction served to obscure a few other items of interest to the world of IT. It is, for example, clear that Apple and Google aren’t friends anymore. Apple wants to control search (and associated advertising revenue) on the iPhone.

Aside: I still cannot believe that advertising pays for the Internet while providing substantial profits to Google. I have never, ever, clicked on any advertisement at any time or in any place.

In fact, this seems to be the time for “fallings out” with Google. Not content to break up with Apple, Google has decided to take on the entire country of China.

I’m personally baffled. China (it appears to be the government) simply wanted access to a Proprietary, Valuable Intellectual Property while, at the same time, wanted to block access to non-proprietary, free web content. Google cried: “Foul!”

China is modernizing very quickly. The country is rightly proud of the progress they’ve made. In my opinion, however, while they’re proud, the government is also not confident of its own position with their citizens or of the local ability to innovate and develop. And, given the rapid growth, they see less need to care about complaints from outside. I think it will change – eventually. But I note that dealing with China is always a challenge

1994, China

We were trying to close the refinery deal. Negotiations had dragged on for months, well, years. We sent engineers, they sent professional negotiators. We didn’t realize that we’d been ‘had’ until we were halfway back to The Hague. They didn’t forget anything. But now, it was time to close the deal. We had a company managing director to make the pitch:

“We’ve been working on this for 2 years. We are ready to go. In fact, I have 25 people in The Hague sitting on their asses doing nothing. We need to close. Time is money.

“I have 100,000,000 people sitting on their asses. So what?

Rules and Regulations

Nazy and I are very happy in Zürich. It did take a while (9 years) to (partially) understand the recycling rules, statutes, regulations, processes and procedures. But now, we bundle newspapers, sort glass (blue, brown, white) and know the difference between a PET container (Coca Cola) and a non-PET plastic container (Shampoo). We’re aware of the once a year chance to toss anything (anything!) away for no additional charge. We know that we can take old electronics back to any store that sells electronics. We know where to dispose of batteries, light bulbs, broken ceramics and dead pets.

Naturally, we’re not complete experts. (75 years of intense study is necessary before qualifying for the right to take the 5-day test, success in which will allow you to be entered in the queue for a personal interview.) We don’t wash or scrape labels off of metal cans before depositing them for recycling. And we did have a problem with the Christmas Tree – a 4 meter behemoth. We remembered to bring it downstairs in early January. But we forgot to chop it into small pieces and, eh, it’s still outside. Nazy wants to sneak out, late at night, and dismember the branches which she plans to scatter amongst the various ‘green garbage’ containers. We'd burn it in the fireplace, but that will cause pollution problems.

Our support for rules and regulations has rubbed off on Melika. The family lawyer, she is now working in a firm in Santa Barbara. Her passion for the law leads her to respect and follow local admonishments and practices.

(Almost: The photo shows Melika and the dog entering a museum; note the No Dogs sign.)

STEPing Out

“Do I understand this correctly, Nazy?” I asked. “You want to buy a ‘step’. Right?”

“Yes. For aerobics.”

“Are you aware of the steps that we already have?”

“What..”

“There are 44 steps from the street to the front door of our apartment. And, there are 12 steps in the spiral staircase to the loft.”

“I can’t exercise on..”

“And you want to purchase one more step? A step to nowhere?”

“Dan…”

“This will go with the giant Ball.”

“You, Dan, should carefully consider what you’re saying.”

“Yes, dear. Shall we drive to Athleticum to get the step?”

We were:

“Totally successful,” Nazy enthused.

“149 Francs for a plastic step?” I thought.

“This Reebok step can be adjusted for 3 different heights.”

“You could put different size books on the existing staircase to get the same ..”

It does adjust to different sizes, but the mechanism for doing so was less than clear. (See instructions above.) We tried pressing, shoving, unscrewing and adjusting the linkage mechanism. Then, my sister Marjorie called.

“Why don’t you just look on the web?” She asked – reasonably.

A famous search engine directed us to the correct site with clear instructions:

“If you can do Lego™ Blocks, you can adjust these steps.”

It was, as they say, 'easy' - in the sense that it's always easier when you know how to do it.