I'm practical

“Why do you always make ‘the Darius character’ look bad, Dad?”

“Why do you ask, Darius?” I replied.

“People will think that the only thing I can do is lose things.”

“Well - you did leave your shoes in Iceland..”

“Dad…”

“And you mobile phone and the pillow and..”

“Please make Melika the star of this episode.”

“Sounds fair to me,” I replied. “I’ve just finished a telephone conversations which may provide material,” I thought. Melika had volunteered information:

“Darius is helping me with economic advice, Dad.”

“Really? How is it going?”

“It is very complicated, Dad…”

“You’re a lawyer, Melika. You revel in complication.”

“I know, Dad. But, as a first step, I like to simplify things.”

“I see.”

“I think Darius is saying that the general idea is to try to arrange it so that, eh, I spend less each month than I earn.”

“What a unique idea.”

“Unique and implausible, Dad.”

“I agree that it would be a life-style altering approach for you, Melika.”

“That what I told him, Dad: I was like, ‘Get real, Dar.’ I'm not sure that he appreciated it. I mean, I am practical, Dad, but…”

“Practical, Melika? You got a dog.”

The Race

While Nazy is enjoying Easter in California, Darius and I are relentlessly following the detailed instructions (volumes 1-16) that she left behind:

“Mom says we should pre-heat the oven, Dad.” Darius said.

“Okay.”

“What’s an ‘oven’, Dad?”

“Check the definitions page in Appendix XIV,” I replied.

“And she says that we should prepare a mixed salad. What should we mix?”

“Well, I’ve found a cake mix. Do you think that will suffice?” I asked.

“Mom says we shouldn’t eat too much red meat.”

“No problem for me, Darius. I never eat red meat.”

“Do you want some crackers and peanut butter?” Darius asked.

“Is that on Mom’s list?”

“No, but I think we can figure out how to prepare…”

“Speaking of preparing, Dar,” I interrupted. “Prepare yourself to leave. I think we should eat out tonight.”

In fact, Darius is actually preparing for his forthcoming job interviews in Pakistan, Lebanon and China. Nevertheless, we found time for a few manly activities:

“Would you like to an expedition to the Go-Kart racetrack?” I asked.

“Wow!”

“I think it’s the kind of place that Mom wouldn’t enjoy quite as much as we will.”

Banking in Iceland

The “economic climate” referred to by my dentist is undoubtedly stressed – economic assets are vanishing faster than the ice shelf in Antarctica. Naturally, I turned to Darius my son and the family expert on economics.

“You’re asking me, Dad?”

“You are the economist. You should know what to do in these troubled times.”

“My US bank account was with Washington Mutual.”

“Didn’t they go broke?”

“My Iceland bank account was with Glitnir.”

“Weren’t they taken over by the Icelandic government?”

“My salary is “paid” in Icelandic Kronur.”

“… and those are…”

“… worthless! The Kronur dropped 50% last week. The country is asking the IMF for assistance.”

“The IMF? I thought banana republics…”

“At least it’s better than Zimbabwe dollars.”

“Not much.” I replied.

“And it’s dark in Bifröst where I work – two hours North of Reykjavik.”

“I didn’t know anything was North of Reykjavik.”

It’s snowing…”

“Already?”

“Only when it’s not sleeting. The government warned people not to hoard. What do you think I should do, Dad?”

“Nice talking with you, Dar. Go to the grocery store. Stock up on necessities before the dastardly hoarders get everything.”