Greenwich

I was in London. (I know, it’s not particularly unusual.) I had a bit of spare time and it was a beautiful day, so I decided to visit Greenwich.

The sky was blue with puffy white clouds when I descended into the voluminous Bank Street Underground Station. The country had just installed a new government: a coalition between the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties. It was unusual for the UK. The Conservatives are ‘Euro-skeptic’ and the Liberal Democrats want to move closer to Europe.

The election was inconclusive. (As Bill Clinton pointed out after the 2000 election in the USA: “The people have spoken: now we just have to figure out what they said.”) The Conservatives elected five times as many MPs (Members of Parliament) as the Liberal Democrats, but they didn’t have a majority – so compromise was necessary. In fact, the UK seems to be moving closer to the Continent which almost always has elections that are inconclusive.
There was heavy theatre as the Liberals, philosophically closer to the Labor Party, considered forming a ‘coalition of the losers’ – even though together they didn’t have a majority. In the end, however, arithmetic won. It will be interesting to see if this actually works.

In any case, I wandered through the long tunnels in Bank Street Station and (eventually) found the DLR to Greenwich. When I arrived, it was raining – heavily. The shuttle to the observatory was not to be found and the Cutty Sark was hidden. (It was being repaired after a fire.) I purchased a cheap umbrella and started walking – discovering along the way that the umbrella was too cheap.

(In fairness, I admit that even an expensive umbrella would have provided little shelter from rain that was descending to terra firma in a fast, but for the most part, horizontal stream. It was windy. I gave up and returned to The City.

I was disgorged from the Bank Street Station into sunny weather: blue skies and puffy white clouds. I considered going back to the office – for about a nanosecond.

The photo is from Greenwich and was located in The Martin Family Archives.

The Hair Dresser

It began innocently: “How do you like my hair?” Nazy asked.

“Actually, Nazy, I have no personal experience with hair.”

“Dan,”

“However,” I continued, well aware that Nazy had just returned from a visit to Nathalie her hair-dresser. “I think that your hair looks great!”

“Hmm…”

“Is something wrong?” I asked – perceptively.

“It isn’t the same length on both sides.”

“Mitra tells me that this is a good..”

“Mitra wanted to have her hair cut that way, Dan. But I..”

“You’ve been going to Nathalie for ..”

“…years, Dan. Now she’s opened up her own shop and she doesn’t have time for me. She sends an army of trainees in her place. Should I try someone else – starting with a shampoo and blow dry? What do you think?”

“What do I think?” I thought. “You want to pay someone to shampoo and blow dry your hair?” I replied.

“I asked a question, Dan. And remember, Nathalie doesn’t cut or color my hair the way I ask her to do it.”

“Well Nazy. If she’s not doing what you want, then leave.”

“But I’ve been with Nathalie for years.”

“So stay and be more demanding.”

“But I’m not happy with what she does.”

“Then leave.”

“Yes – but..”

The new hairdresser is Bjorn. We both agree that he is prettier than Nathalie.

After the discussion, it seemed wise to retreat to the mountaintop for R&R.

India (Part 3)

Wrapping up the last issue, I noted that: I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the problem.

The request for warranty coverage on the servers that we were ‘giving’ to the customer was not unreasonable. The servers were basically useless unless they were maintained. We agreed.

The payment issue was a little more complex.

“We would like to pay the invoice, Dan, but we can’t.”I was speaking with Finance in India.

“Really? Why not?” I asked.

“These servers came from Europe.”

“No local or Asia-Pacific servers could be found.”

“I know, but, the corporate standards of business conduct make it impossible for us to pay for this.”

“Because?”

“It might be interpreted as a gray market activity.”

“No problem,” I replied. “It is a very small payment. I’ll just arrange for it to be paid by our colleagues in Europe.”

But:

“We would like to pay the invoice, Dan, but we can’t.” European finance attempted to enlighten me.

“Really? Why not?” I asked.

“The servers were delivered in India.”

“Yes, that what we agreed to do.”

“If we pay for delivery of European servers into India, it will violate the corporate standards of business conduct.”

“Somehow, I’m not surprised,” I thought.

“Just get ask the customer in India to issue a PO to us.”

“A PO for what?”

“Nothing. It’s just a way to get the money to the customer.”

“Are you sure that won’t violate the corporate standards of business conduct?”

It didn’t. And:

I was happy that we had [Finally} ‘solved’ the problem.

Except: the customer didn’t like that solution.

After considering writing them a personal check and claiming it on the travel and expense account, I proposed a ‘credit note’. This meant that the customer would receive a discount on a future order. The discount would balance the problem invoice.

It appears that the customer (Exhausted, perhaps?) has agreed.

The credit note has been issued. Of course they haven’t ordered anything because they’re able to use the ‘free servers’ to meet the current needs.

India (Part 2)

In the last entry, I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the situation. There was still a trivial amount of ‘cleaning up’ to do – we had to retrieve the now not-needed servers. But..

An intermediary in Mumbai handled the import taxes and transportation from the airport to the customer location. Following the standard process:

• The intermediary billed the customer for this service.


• The customer did not pay the invoice; we had agreed to pay it.


• The intermediary placed the customer on ‘credit hold’.


• Responding to an alert from the intermediary we placed the customer on ‘credit hold’.
  
  

Eventually we figured out what had happened. The easy solution, Credit and Payment told me, would be to have the intermediary change the billing address from the customer to us. I communicated this approach to the customer and got agreement.

I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the situation. Except…

Several weeks passed without anything actually happening. I called finance:

“What is the problem here? The customer is driving me crazy.”

“The invoice is for ₤800,000 – more than one million dollars. We can’t accept that.”

“The invoice import tax on 13 obsolete servers and transportation from the airport to the customer’s datacenter. Traffic is bad in Mumbai, but something is clearly wrong..”

It turned out that the invoice was for 800,000 Indian Rupiahs – about $10,000. Finance agreed to authorize payment.

Given the difficulties we had getting the machines into India, we were not excited about trying to ship them back to the UK. Luckily, we were able to convince server division to simply leave them in India – as a gift.

I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the problem.

Except

• The customer wanted the gifts to come with free (3-year) maintenance.


• Although everyone had agreed to pay, no one had actually paid.
  

To be continued.

The photo is of the Taj Palace Hotel in Mumbai.

India

The new servers didn’t always work. They usually worked – but at unpredictable times they stopped. And, when they stopped they couldn’t be restarted remotely: a human being had to physically push the reset button. The customer had a ‘lights-out’ datacenter, i.e. no onsite staff, so when the server did fail, someone had to drive to the datacenter. The customer was not happy.

“They are being unreasonable,” our support team said.

Normally I would have agreed: they are usually unreasonable. But this time:“They just want what they bought to work,” I replied. “I think that is very reasonable.”

The problem is intermittent and hard to replicate.”

“I know. That’s why you’re fixing it and not me.”

It became clear that it getting a fix be neither straightforward nor rapid. Because the old servers didn’t have this problem, we agreed to temporarily replace the new servers with old servers. It wasn’t easy to locate the replacements which had gone EOL (end-of-life) many months earlier.
After an ‘inordinate delay’ (customer evaluation), we located 170 severs on the after-market. After we refurbished and certified them we shipped them, at our expense, to about 13 different countries. There were two small glitches:

• The problem with the new servers was fixed just after the old servers were shipped.


• It was impossible for us to pay for the final leg of shipping in Mumbai. We agreed to reimburse the customer.
  

Unaware of the impending doom, I basked in the knowledge that we had solved the problem.
But: To Be Continued.

The photo is from India.

Rehab

“They want to send me to rehab, Knut.” I explained to a colleague.

“Rehab?”

“It’s very fashionable. Everybody is doing it.”

“Everybody who has a problem. What’s your problem, Dan?”

“Cynicism.”

“Cynicism?”

“Excessive cynicism! I thought I was just sarcastic, but..”

“.. there is a thin line between sarcastic and cynical, Dan.” Knut replied.

“Perhaps I crossed the line. When we acquired (yet) another company, I expressed the hope that we would not follow our standard process: Locate and drive away the human expertise. And then off-shore everything else.”

“Well Dan, that does sound cynical.”

“It’s not cynical, Knut. It is simply an expression of hope.”

“Hope, Dan?”

“Of course! There is no way that we could possibly identify the humans with the expertise. Those people will depart all by themselves.”

“Wow! And they think you’re cynical.”

“I just don’t understand it.”

“But rehab, Dan?”

“Like I said, it’s the latest thing for treating problems: Alcohol, Drugs, Sex and now Cynicism. I’ll be treated just like Lindsey, Paris, Brittney and Tiger.

It is wisteria season in Zürich.

The Customer Meeting

Because of the volcano-induced delay, I had plenty of time to prepare for the meeting. Historically, this kind of session had not gone well. A bit of background.

There is a world-wide shortage of computer memory.

A small group of companies located in Asia manufacture memory for almost all computer servers. In the interests of operational efficiency, all suppliers have an extensive and complex supply chain – which means that nobody actually controls manufacture of the components that are necessary to build their computers. Nobody maintains inventory – that would add cost. Moreover, the ‘just-in-time’ manufacturing model means that nothing is ordered until (just before) it is needed – and just after a buyer has issued a Purchase Order. Thus, when demand declines, it impacts factories immediately. In this recession, demand declined dramatically. Memory manufacturing capacity dropped so much that factories were closed. Unfortunately, it is far easier to close a factory than it is to open a factory. Creating a memory fabrication plant is capital-intensive and time-consuming. So, although demand has recovered, shortages remain – and will remain for some time. My conclusions about this situation will be the subject of a subsequent entry.

The customer, aware of the shortage, is totally understanding. Waiting for the meeting to begin, I reviewed the situation in my mind. It was simple, he customer wants all of their orders to be delivered:

“Immediately, Dan. These are business critical systems.”

“There is,” I explained, “a global memory shortage.”

“We are a big customer – one of your biggest – and we need priority.”

“You were a big customer – the year before last.” I thought. “Last year your order volume dropped by…”, I said.

“We demand the highest priority.”

“All of our customers demand the highest priority,” I thought.

We had put several procedures and processes in place to track the orders and make sure that they received the appropriate attention. The shortages, however, remained. In spite of our effort, I wasn’t convinced that the customer would understand.

I had a quick lunch at a Chinese take-out place before the meeting. My fortune cookie was auspicious.

Present your best ideas today to
An eager and welcoming audience.

But I was still skeptical. And I was prepared. I had statistics, reports, plans and facts. I knew that I was ready for anything. The customer opened the meeting.

“I want to thank you for the amazing effort you’ve made. We notice substantial improvement and really appreciate what you’ve done.”

I was ready for almost everything. This particular gambit had me flummoxed.

“And, I know that we can sometimes be, well, difficult, so I would appreciate it if you can tell us how we can improve our processes.”

Not only was I flummoxed, I was gobsmacked. I was speechless. I was..

“Are you okay, Dan?” the customer asked.