Regular readers know that I am an experienced, capable and competent traveler. (Alternatively, they at least know that I like to project the image of being experienced, capable, competent and confident.) Although my travel experience is cluttered with difficulties, foibles and frustrations are inevitably caused by the incompetence of someone else. This week was an exception.
Normally I use City Airport when going to London. This week, however, I needed fly via Frankfurt rather than Zürich. Ensuring scheduling challenges mandated use of London Heathrow. My arrival was on-time and, unbelievably, the very first suitcase to be delivered was mine! In fact, my bright blue suitcase was disgorged from the subterranean depths of Heathrow the instant I arrived at baggage claim. “This doesn’t seem right,” I thought.
Aware of the Heathrow express train that provides quick and frequent transport to Paddington Station, I had booked the Paddington Hilton.
Normally I use City Airport when going to London. This week, however, I needed fly via Frankfurt rather than Zürich. Ensuring scheduling challenges mandated use of London Heathrow. My arrival was on-time and, unbelievably, the very first suitcase to be delivered was mine! In fact, my bright blue suitcase was disgorged from the subterranean depths of Heathrow the instant I arrived at baggage claim. “This doesn’t seem right,” I thought.
Aware of the Heathrow express train that provides quick and frequent transport to Paddington Station, I had booked the Paddington Hilton.
The Picture is the "London Eye", a giant Ferris Wheel that goes around in circles - surely representative of my trip via Heathrow.
“Why not buy a round trip ticket?” the clerk asked. “You’ll save a few quid.”
“Good idea.” I said. “I’ll probably lose the ticket before I have to use it.” I thought. My thoughts were experience-based.
Meetings in London went well – except that I wasn’t able to move a Friday morning session to Thursday.
The flight home was fine. Getting to the airplane was problematic. The Heathrow Express departs from Paddington Station every 15 minutes. Arriving at the station, I couldn’t find my round-trip ticket. “Naturally,” I thought. I quickly bought a ticket at the machines, but while I was fumbling for my Amex card, a train departed. A nearby electronic sign made it clear that I had just missed the train:
“Why not buy a round trip ticket?” the clerk asked. “You’ll save a few quid.”
“Good idea.” I said. “I’ll probably lose the ticket before I have to use it.” I thought. My thoughts were experience-based.
Meetings in London went well – except that I wasn’t able to move a Friday morning session to Thursday.
The flight home was fine. Getting to the airplane was problematic. The Heathrow Express departs from Paddington Station every 15 minutes. Arriving at the station, I couldn’t find my round-trip ticket. “Naturally,” I thought. I quickly bought a ticket at the machines, but while I was fumbling for my Amex card, a train departed. A nearby electronic sign made it clear that I had just missed the train:
Heathrow Express: Next departure 13 minutes Track 6 →
Arrival could be a challenge for someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing. There are five terminals at Heathrow. All Heathrow Express Trains arrive at Heathrow Central – Terminals 1,2 and 3. Alternate trains proceed from there to either Terminal 4 or Terminal 5. Aware that Swiss International Airlines uses Terminal 4, and informed by the PA system that the current train was going to Terminal 5, I got off. A helpful electronic sign summed up the situation:
Next train to Terminal 5, 13 minutes: Track 2 →
“This terminal is ‘Swiss-less’,” I thought as I slowly realized that Swiss International Airlines does, indeed, use Terminal 4 – in New York. Reluctantly asking for assistance [“Road Warriors do not ask questions,” I thought.] at a nearby Information Center, I was directed to Terminal 1. I returned to the underground train system and was greeted a predictable sign:
NEXT TRAIN TO Terminals 1, 2 and 3 in 13 minutes: Track 1 →
Eventually I arrived in terminal 1. Timing was now tight. I dashed up to the Swiss counter wondering whether I still had time to catch my flight.
“You are not booked on this flight, sir.” The passenger service agent informed me. “Can you provide the confirmation number?”
“These people are nitwits,” I thought as I booted my laptop. The minutes ticked by as the underpowered laptop slowly came to Vista™ life. A sinking feeling struck as the ticket confirmation eMail appeared on the screen. I had booked my flights based on the assumption that I would be able to change the Friday meeting. As I was thinking, the clerk was talking.
“Your flight was yesterday,” the clerk exclaimed.
“Okay, so, I just missed it. Please book me on today’s flight.”
"Today’s flight" was full – as were the next three Swiss flights. I was directed to British Air and, eh: “British Air is in Terminal 5”. I trudged back to the underground train system.
NEXT TRAIN TO TERMINAL 5 IN 13 MINUTES: TRACK 2 →
I called Marieke and asked for help booking the BA flight. Everything was booked by the time I arrived. I checked in, got rid of my heavy luggage, noted that I was departing from the ‘B-gates’ at terminal 5 and ventured through passport control and the security check. I had a pleasant lunch at Gordon Ramsey’s Restaurant before taking the elevator down to the rail system for transport to the ‘B-gates’. Naturally, I ignored the signage: “Do not go to the B-gates until your flight is called.”
As you’ve guessed, my flight actually departed from gate A-21. You may not have guessed that there is no train from the “B-gates” to the “A-gates” in terminal 5. There is, however, a long, bleak and boring tunnel.
I am happy to be home.
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