Note: Blog entries about corporate life should not be read as complaints about my own employer, the customer that I deal with or specific individuals. They merely represent commentary that may be at odds with best corporate practice.
Following an exceptionally uneventful flight home, I rested for six (whole) hours before heading to headquarters to catch up. I was somewhat surprised to see someone sitting in my office, eh, sitting at my desk. I calmly walked to HR.
“So,” I asked. “Where have you moved me?”
“We have established a flex-desk concept, Dan.”
“Flex desk? What’s that mean?”
“Most of our headquarters staff spends most of their time traveling. Financial analysis indicates an opportunity for massive savings by eliminating fixed desks. If you come to the office, simply choose any available desk.”
“There are no available desks,” I replied.
“Perhaps you shouldn’t be in the office, Dan. You should be traveling or visiting customers. You could work at home. You should really be at the customer's site.”
“I understand. But this is a holiday week. My customer’s office is closed. So what do I do now?”
“You can work in the cafeteria – just push the holiday decorations out of the way.”
“But..”
“And, Dan, I’ve got this package for you from HR.”
“A package? From HR? Is this one of those extremely generous severance packages?”
“Of course not, Dan. You are…”
“So how do I get one of those packages?”
“The proven route is incompetence.”
“But - how will I stand out in the crowd?”
“Dan! You’re cute.”
I picked up my briefcase and walked to the cafeteria to open the package from HR. As I opened it, a plague, eh, plaque, framed in plastic, popped open. The plaque, ‘suitable for display in your office’, celebrated 10 years with the company. There was a small yellow sticky note with instructions to telephone a number allowing me to choose an appropriate gift. (Parenthetically, the note also reminded me to use the land line, not a mobile phone, in order to limit expenses.) I dialed the number and was greeted by an ‘Intelligent Voice Response’ system:
“Welcome, valued employee of Mega Corporation. Congratulations on your 10 years of service. If you would like a digital clock please press 1 if you would like a….”
Question: You clearly don’t like the hotel concept of office space. Surely you understand and support the fact that companies must control costs.
Answer: Indeed. It might, however, be wise to have enough ‘flexible’ space to handle the workload. Companies may also discover that forcing people to work from home leads to a loss of social cohesion. (People like to see their colleagues.) There might be less resistance if companies didn’t degrade working conditions (and fringe benefits) at the same time they’re saying “people are our most important asset” or “we will be global thought-leaders”. It’s hard to see the connection between being a thought leader whilst providing industry-average (i.e. mediocre) working conditions.
Following an exceptionally uneventful flight home, I rested for six (whole) hours before heading to headquarters to catch up. I was somewhat surprised to see someone sitting in my office, eh, sitting at my desk. I calmly walked to HR.
“So,” I asked. “Where have you moved me?”
“We have established a flex-desk concept, Dan.”
“Flex desk? What’s that mean?”
“Most of our headquarters staff spends most of their time traveling. Financial analysis indicates an opportunity for massive savings by eliminating fixed desks. If you come to the office, simply choose any available desk.”
“There are no available desks,” I replied.
“Perhaps you shouldn’t be in the office, Dan. You should be traveling or visiting customers. You could work at home. You should really be at the customer's site.”
“I understand. But this is a holiday week. My customer’s office is closed. So what do I do now?”
“You can work in the cafeteria – just push the holiday decorations out of the way.”
“But..”
“And, Dan, I’ve got this package for you from HR.”
“A package? From HR? Is this one of those extremely generous severance packages?”
“Of course not, Dan. You are…”
“So how do I get one of those packages?”
“The proven route is incompetence.”
“But - how will I stand out in the crowd?”
“Dan! You’re cute.”
I picked up my briefcase and walked to the cafeteria to open the package from HR. As I opened it, a plague, eh, plaque, framed in plastic, popped open. The plaque, ‘suitable for display in your office’, celebrated 10 years with the company. There was a small yellow sticky note with instructions to telephone a number allowing me to choose an appropriate gift. (Parenthetically, the note also reminded me to use the land line, not a mobile phone, in order to limit expenses.) I dialed the number and was greeted by an ‘Intelligent Voice Response’ system:
“Welcome, valued employee of Mega Corporation. Congratulations on your 10 years of service. If you would like a digital clock please press 1 if you would like a….”
Question: You clearly don’t like the hotel concept of office space. Surely you understand and support the fact that companies must control costs.
Answer: Indeed. It might, however, be wise to have enough ‘flexible’ space to handle the workload. Companies may also discover that forcing people to work from home leads to a loss of social cohesion. (People like to see their colleagues.) There might be less resistance if companies didn’t degrade working conditions (and fringe benefits) at the same time they’re saying “people are our most important asset” or “we will be global thought-leaders”. It’s hard to see the connection between being a thought leader whilst providing industry-average (i.e. mediocre) working conditions.
Question: Does the photograph at the top of this entry have anything to do with the content.
Answer: Guess.
1 comment:
Oh, the photo, I get it. They gave you a fire hydrant! (Brunahani -- my first word of Icelandic!)
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