Off to Hong Kong

“Dad,” Darius began, “what’s wrong with the travel division’s routing?”

‘It’s obvious, Dar..”

“It’s not like they routed you to Hong Kong via Sao Paulo and Nairobi. All the stops are in the right general direction.”

“There are a lot of stops..”

“Of course it would be neat to see Sao Paulo ..”

“Hmm…” I thought. “I had a spare day in Sao Paulo and asked my host, who was from Rio, what I should do. His response: Fly to Rio.”

“… and Nairobi….”

“Darius!” I interjected. “The routing has lots of stops.”

“Don’t you like wandering through random airports?”

“No.”

“You’re kind of strange, Dad.” Darius replied. “What are you going to do in Hong Kong?”

“I have a business meeting.”

“One meeting? How long are you going to be there?”

“A week.”

“One meeting? Surely you’re going to do something else.”

“Sure, Dar. Sightseeing.”

“Dad..”

“And I’ll be collecting frequent flyer miles on the Star alliance.”

“Dad..”

“And I talked the travel agency into booking me on the Airbus 380 for the flight from Hong Kong to Singapore.”

The photo is from Iceland.. Luckily not part of my final routing to Hong Kong.

Service Levels

The customer issued a highly detailed RFP (Request For Proposal). They said that they wanted to purchase a message delivery service. In fact, what they wanted to do was specify in excruciating detail how messages should be delivered. Naturally, this request caused confusion for our response team.

“The customer specifies the breed of horse that we must use to carry the messages across New Mexico and Arizona,” the solution architect explained.

“Can we use Wells Fargo as a reference?” I replied.

“More to the point, Dan: do we have any horses?”

“And, in order to guarantee that we can meet the service levels, the customer wants to inspect our trading posts along the route. They want us to guarantee that replacement horses will be available at every other trading post.” The service delivery manager was baffled.

“Does anyone know how convert furlongs into meters?” The response team project manager asked.

“The customer recommends that we reduce our price by utilizing wild mustangs herded from Arches National Park.” The financial analyst was baffled.

“Why not from the Grand Canyon?” I replied archly.

“In order to assure that their packages are delivered securely, they want to inspect the NRA membership cards of the staff members that will be working on this project.”

“They also want us to provide invoices in Cuneiform. They mandate quarterly invoices so that their offshore financial hub..”

“Finally,” I thought, “something from the 21st century..”

“… at a Monastery in Bohemia will issue…”

“So much for 21st century,” I thought.

“ parchment..”

“Parchment?” I asked

“Yes, parchment payment stubs. It’s part of the required service level. And what are we going to do about the horses?”

“Maybe we should tell them about the Iron Horse,” the solution architect remarked. “We could even mention air mail.”

“They’ll probably think we’re talking about carrier pigeons. Perhaps it’s better to drag them out of the 18th century as a first step.”

The photo shows the technology used to transport the messages across the desert.

Zurich to Hong Kong

“I need to arrange a trip to Hong Kong and Singapore,” I explained to the travel division. “And make sure that you select upgradable flights on the St*r Alliance.”

“Upgradable? What does that mean?”

“I must have forgotten that I was speaking with the misers at our outsourced Ebenezer Scrooge Travel Agency,” I thought. “Book a fare class that allows me to use frequent flyer miles to upgrade.”

They called a few hours later with the first option: Zürich to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Prague, Prague to Shanghai and Shanghai to Hong Kong.

“Sounds like the kind of itinerary Darius would choose,” I thought.

“I’ve never heard of most of these airlines. Are they members of the Star Alliance?” I asked.

“No.”

“Then it doesn’t matter if the flights are upgradeable..”

“They’re not.

“Try again.”

The next option was equally convoluted and was equally rejected. I decided to be more direct by suggesting a non-stop flight on Swiss International Airlines, the Singapore Airlines Airbus 380 flight from Hong Kong to Singapore and Singapore Airlines nonstop from Singapore back to Zürich.

They offered an all-Singapore Airlines routing.

“I like Singapore Airlines” I thought wondering how many miles it would take to upgrade to Raffles Class. However, I wasn’t impressed with the first leg which got me to Hong Kong via Singapore. (It’s sort of like routing a flight from New York to San Francisco via Hawaii.)

Negotiations continue.

Parental Moments - Take Three

Memphis, Age 5

The family was ready for dinner. Nazy had cooked a large tuna casserole which she handed to me across the divider between the kitchen and the dining area.

Let the record show: The casserole dish, a Pyrex container had just come from the oven. Nazy was holding it with a hot pad. She handed it to me and I was using my bare hands.

As I gingerly moved the casserole from the kitchen to the table, I couldn’t help but be aware of the smell of burning flesh that overpowered the savory smell of tuna casserole. Finally surrendering to the pain…

Let the record show: surrendering to the excruciating pain…

… I dropped the casserole dish on the table. The dish shattered, the tuna exploded. Melika and Darius laughed. Nazy, for some reason, didn’t think it was funny. I was picking tuna out of my beard with my fork – a task that was not easy given the pain. Then:

“If you used two hands, Daddy,” Mitra said, “that wouldn’t happen.”

About 20 minutes later the family reassembled at the table. Nazy had constructed the back up dinner which she (bravely) handed to me to place on the table. I accomplished this task flawlessly. Melika and Darius clapped. Then:

“Thank you, Daddy. That was much better,” Mitra said.

Parental Moments - Take Two

Memphis, 3 years old

It was 5:00 AM and Darius was awake – and standing by our bed. Needless to say, neither Nazy nor I was awake. Darius wanted me to get up and was most insistent.

“Well, Darius,” I mumbled. “You go and look out the window. If the sun is shining, then I will get up.”

Darius left, checked the window and returned. He stood by the bed for a long time. Finally, I poked my head out from under the covers.

“Well?” I asked.

“Well,” Darius replied in deep thought. “Maybe the yellow sun is behind the black clouds.”

“Go back to bed, Darius.”

Syracuse, Freshman Year

“I’m going to Venezuela, Dad.”

“What?”

“I’m going to Venezuela, Dad. For the weekend.”

“Why?”

“It was the cheapest ticket that went to another continent.”

“When?”

“This weekend. A new continent on my list.”

“Is South America a real continent, Dar? It was attached…”

“… until they build the canal.”

Parental Momemts

Memphis, Age 2

“I don’t like you anymore.”

“That seems pretty clear,” I thought.

“I don’t like you at all.”

“Fine, Melika,” I replied. “You don’t like me, so I don’t think you need a Daddy anymore. I’ll just leave.”

“Good.”

“Goodbye, Melika.”

“But, Daddy….” Melika began.

“Ah ha,” I thought.

“… can you change my diaper before you go?”

Santa Barbara, Age 22

“I think I’ll go to Law School, Dad.”

“Do you want to be a lawyer?”

“Lawyers make a lot of money, Dad.”

“And you want to make a lot of money?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Dad!” Melika looked at me like I was stupid. “I spend a lot of money.”

“Finally,” I thought. “Something we can agree on.”

Of Mice and Dice

I was in the hotel when my mouse died. It began with an intermittent inability to move the cursor on my laptop screen and gradually degraded to gnerate double clicks only if when thrown against wall. At home, I have a back-up mouse. On the road, my dexterity is challenged by a trackpad. The latter device mandates, at least in my case, coordinated action from my right (move the cursor) and left (click or doubleclick) thumbs. Worse, obscure software, buried in the voluminous bowels of the Windows™ Operating System, is easily confused: I often found myself in ‘click and drag’ mode.

Fortunately, it was a quick trip. Back home, I used my wireless with carefree abandon, forgetting for the moment that I had another trip scheduled.

Because the mouseless experience had been so devastating and difficult, I was prepared when I landed in Frankfurt. I stopped at the electronics shop and purchased a wireless mouse.

Installation was simple and trouble free. But… the left click didn’t work. The cursor moved, the right click functioned, but the left click was dead. I eventually discovered a workaround: If I double (left) clicked (with vigor), I generated a single left click – and a lot of noise. After a bit of practice, I got the ‘hang’, actually the ‘throw’, of it.

All was right in the world. And then the iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii key began to stick.

The photo is from Valentine Day.