A Typical Trip to London (and back)

“Zürich is so convenient,” I thought as I was about to leave for the airport. “A quick drive from the house, no need to get there early: everything simply works.” As usual, we were leaving with plenty of time to make the flight.

“Before we go,” Nazy said ominously. “Can you help me remove the leaf from the dinner table?”

It seemed like a simple (and quick) request. In fact, removal was easy. Pushing the table back together was tricky (a dowel had broken off) as I discovered laying on the floor and shoving. A delay ensued, but we left for the airport with plenty of, eh, enough time.

The drive was smooth and fast. Moreover, at the Swiss European Airlines kiosk, my mastery of the technology was evident. I didn’t even have to look at the selection screen: I ‘knew’ what was coming. As the (almost) final step, I selected my seat: 3A.

“Business class must be empty,” I thought. [For this flight, business class consisted of rows 1 and 2.] But – before my boarding pass was printed, the kiosk computer froze. Undaunted, I moved to the adjacent machine – which directed me to contact an agent. There was a queue – a long queue, of people wanting yo see an agent. (I wasn’t ‘wanting’ to see an agent, I was ‘needing’ to see an agent. Now timing was tight, but I was sure that I had enough, eh, well just enough time. I finally got my boarding pass.

I ran to passport control, handing my passport and residency permit to the officer. He scanned my documents and the lights went out in the passport control section of the airport. The power returned rather quickly, but the immigration authorities use Windows™ technology: reboot wasn’t swift. “Just enough time” had turned into “possibly enough time”.

There was a huge line at the security checkpoint and, as expected, I was behind a clueless nitwit wearing metallic armor while carrying three bottles of bleach. I was the last person to board the airplane (“Thank God! In time.”) and, astonishingly, they actually held the plane on the tarmac while my luggage was loaded.

The flight was smooth and trouble free. However, at London City Airport, the DLR (Docklands Light Rail) that provides cheap and cheerful transport between City Airport and the office was out of service. Nevertheless, I made it to the office in time for my meeting. The rest of the week was okay – almost:

I could mention the return: DLR still out of service, massive traffic jams caused by closure of the Blackfriars Tunnel, a stalled lorry, and, according to my taxi driver, “useless wankers attempting to use decrepit infrastructure put in place by thieving politicians.” I could mention that I missed my flight (and the subsequent one as well) because of delays getting to the airport. I could tell you that the taxi, which normally costs between £25 and £30, had £91 on the meter when I (finally) arrived. I could mention that I went from “plenty of time” to “late” very quickly. However, you’re familiar with my travel ventures, so additional explication is unnecessary. You don’t want to hear me complain. Therefore, I will not mention the calamitous debacle associated with my return trip.

And I'm from...

Darius is teaching economics at the American University of Beirut. Nazy asked him about living in Lebanon.

“It’s tricky Mom. They don’t like Americans, so I told a colleague that you were from Iran. But, he was Sunni and didn’t like the Shi’a sect..”

“That’s a problem,” I interjected.

“Then I told them that Dad had family ties to Denmark,” Darius replied.

“Didn’t someone publish anti-Islam cartoons in Denmark?” I asked.

“Exactly! So I told them that you both lived in Switzerland.”

“But – Switzerland just passed an anti-minaret referendum.” I could see where this was headed.

“I didn’t think of that Dad. I was scrambling. I told them that we all grew up in Holland.”

“Didn’t Theo van Gogh make an anti-Islamic movie in Holland?” I replied. “Just before a lunatic killed him,” I thought.

“Well, yes. I decided to change the subject. I told him that I was going to Thailand for vacation.”

“I think there’s a government crackdown on an Islamic separatist movement..”

“I know, Dad. I know! As I was pondering, the call to prayers rang out and…”

“He left?”

“Yep.”

Darius likes an international lifestyle. The photo above is of Darius on the Berlin Wall - or what was left of it - in 1989.

Questions and Answers

Reader Questions will be presented and answered in today’s blog.

What does the cookie video have to do with Christmas?

Christmas is a time of tradition. Sugar cookies are tradition. It seems clear to me.

But the video shows a person being devoured by ferocious animals. How does that have anything to do with Christmas?

It is a sugar cookie, not a person. And it is not being devoured, it is being consumed. Conspicuous consumption is major component of Christmas. Finally, ferocious animals? Are we watching the same thing?

I thought readers ask the questions, was a mistaken?

Yes.

The cookie cutter provided by Mitra moved quickly in the video; I was unable to determine whether it depicted a rat, hedgehog or shnunk. Can you present a close up?

Yes, see photo on this blog. Your feedback is welcome.

I really liked the dolphins playing soccer with the head. Who’s idea was that?

Darius – but it was a team effort.

I liked the dinosaurs. Who handled the dinos during the video?

Melika – but it was a team effort.

The video jumped on frame 239. Who was responsible for the photography? Should that person be sacked?

Hmm, well, the, eh, blogger, garble, garble, garble.. but it was a team effort. And No.

Snow Shoe Expedition

“We will love snow-shoeing, Dan.” My wife was enthusiastic.

“Nazy, my dear, God invented mountains..”

“I know! And we are going to enjoy the beauty of nature..”

“God invented gravity at precisely the same time he invented mountains. Gravity exists solely to enable human beings to effortlessly slide down mountain slopes. Walking upslope is a sin.”

“A sin?”

“That’s right: a sin. It is clearly against one of the commandants.”

“What are you talking about, Dad?” Darius interrupted. “It will be fun.”

“Have you ever snow-shoed, Dar?” I replied.

“No but..”

“It is like dancing..”

“… that sounds like fun,” Mitra interjected.

“… dancing on beach sand while wearing swim flippers.”

“I saw that in Mama Mia!”

“Except that it will be cold and the dance flows uphill.”

I was, of course, wrong: you don’t ‘flow’ uphill in snowshoes. I also forgot to mention the sleet and I didn’t realize that it was possible to sink into 3 foot deep snow while wearing snowshoes. More important, I didn’t account for the grandeur of shoeing through the Alps, the warmth and fulfillment of the fondue stop or the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment derived from a family outing in mountains.

And I certainly slept well that night: no tossing or turning. (My muscles were locked in place.)

The Family Photo - 2009

The photo on the previous post was taken in 1989 when we were about to leave for The Netherlands. The photo on this post was taken twenty years later.

A few observations:

· The sofa shrunk over 20 years.

· Melika forgot lost track of left and right over 20 years.

· The only one who didn’t change is Nazy.

The Martin Family Photo 1989

The Martin Family Christmas is a time of tradition. Mitra’s stop action cookie production was a simple modification of the routine.

We also take a family photo each Christmas. This year, Nazy suggested a theme: wine-colored outfits. (Last year’s motif was deemed excessive – see the end of the sugar cookie production described in the previous post.)

In preparation for this year’s family portrait, I reviewed one of our favorite family photos (see above). This photo was taken in 1989. We were in Hanover, New Hampshire, enjoying the beautiful New England autumn. I had accepted a job at Shell and we were about to depart for our first European assignment.

The next post will update this photo.

Christmas Cookies Stop Action

NOTE: I have resolved to be more consistent in posting blogs. Best wishes for 2010.

Christmas sugar cookies have always been an important part of our holiday celebration. This year Mitra wanted to do something different. The final product is available on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hZbIqd_8Eg

The story of how it came to happen is a little more complicated. Mitra wanted to do something:

“Different: instead of simply making a plate of colorful sugar cookies, we use them as characters in our diorama.”

“Diorama?” Nazy and I both asked.

“We will want to tell a story with the cookies. That’s why I asked you to get new and different cookie cutters. I found a cookie cutter shaped like a rat!”

“That certainly sounds Christmasy,”

We asked Darius for his opinion:

“Dar? What do you know about dioramas?”

“That’s a really messy stomach problem, right?”

Undaunted, we poured an abundance of energy into the diorama project.

“We want to ‘tell a story’,” Mitra explained.

“How do we get the sugar cookies to stand up?” Melika, ever practical, asked.

“That’s a simple implementation detail,” I explained. “I don’t understand how you tell a story in one scene.”

“That’s right!” Darius exclaimed. “We need to make a stop action movie – with sugar cookie characters. The diorama is out.”

“Before we stop the action,” Nazy said, “we need to make the cookies.”

“But – before we do that, we need to have the script,” Mitra replied. “We need to identify the characters. I think that my rat should play the lead.” Mitra brandished a giant sugar cookie cutter.

“That’s not a rat,” I noted. “It looks like a squirrel. We should use the lions.”

“It could be a skunk, Dad.” Melika observed. “Let’s not forget the Brontosaurs.”

“Maybe it’s a hedgehog,” Darius said. “We could do a Noah’s Ark story.”

“What about the Salvador Dali lips?” Nazy asked.

In the end, a double batch of sugar cookies was baked, and a script (using dinosaurs, lips, lions, hedgehogs, squirrels, dolphins, angels and numbers) was written. Mitra’s digital camera was taped to the spiral staircase and the entire family took part in bringing the story a man-eating – oops I won’t spoil the show. Please check:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hZbIqd_8Eg

Best wishes for a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year.