Greenwich

I was in London. (I know, it’s not particularly unusual.) I had a bit of spare time and it was a beautiful day, so I decided to visit Greenwich.

The sky was blue with puffy white clouds when I descended into the voluminous Bank Street Underground Station. The country had just installed a new government: a coalition between the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties. It was unusual for the UK. The Conservatives are ‘Euro-skeptic’ and the Liberal Democrats want to move closer to Europe.

The election was inconclusive. (As Bill Clinton pointed out after the 2000 election in the USA: “The people have spoken: now we just have to figure out what they said.”) The Conservatives elected five times as many MPs (Members of Parliament) as the Liberal Democrats, but they didn’t have a majority – so compromise was necessary. In fact, the UK seems to be moving closer to the Continent which almost always has elections that are inconclusive.
There was heavy theatre as the Liberals, philosophically closer to the Labor Party, considered forming a ‘coalition of the losers’ – even though together they didn’t have a majority. In the end, however, arithmetic won. It will be interesting to see if this actually works.

In any case, I wandered through the long tunnels in Bank Street Station and (eventually) found the DLR to Greenwich. When I arrived, it was raining – heavily. The shuttle to the observatory was not to be found and the Cutty Sark was hidden. (It was being repaired after a fire.) I purchased a cheap umbrella and started walking – discovering along the way that the umbrella was too cheap.

(In fairness, I admit that even an expensive umbrella would have provided little shelter from rain that was descending to terra firma in a fast, but for the most part, horizontal stream. It was windy. I gave up and returned to The City.

I was disgorged from the Bank Street Station into sunny weather: blue skies and puffy white clouds. I considered going back to the office – for about a nanosecond.

The photo is from Greenwich and was located in The Martin Family Archives.

The Hair Dresser

It began innocently: “How do you like my hair?” Nazy asked.

“Actually, Nazy, I have no personal experience with hair.”

“Dan,”

“However,” I continued, well aware that Nazy had just returned from a visit to Nathalie her hair-dresser. “I think that your hair looks great!”

“Hmm…”

“Is something wrong?” I asked – perceptively.

“It isn’t the same length on both sides.”

“Mitra tells me that this is a good..”

“Mitra wanted to have her hair cut that way, Dan. But I..”

“You’ve been going to Nathalie for ..”

“…years, Dan. Now she’s opened up her own shop and she doesn’t have time for me. She sends an army of trainees in her place. Should I try someone else – starting with a shampoo and blow dry? What do you think?”

“What do I think?” I thought. “You want to pay someone to shampoo and blow dry your hair?” I replied.

“I asked a question, Dan. And remember, Nathalie doesn’t cut or color my hair the way I ask her to do it.”

“Well Nazy. If she’s not doing what you want, then leave.”

“But I’ve been with Nathalie for years.”

“So stay and be more demanding.”

“But I’m not happy with what she does.”

“Then leave.”

“Yes – but..”

The new hairdresser is Bjorn. We both agree that he is prettier than Nathalie.

After the discussion, it seemed wise to retreat to the mountaintop for R&R.

India (Part 3)

Wrapping up the last issue, I noted that: I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the problem.

The request for warranty coverage on the servers that we were ‘giving’ to the customer was not unreasonable. The servers were basically useless unless they were maintained. We agreed.

The payment issue was a little more complex.

“We would like to pay the invoice, Dan, but we can’t.”I was speaking with Finance in India.

“Really? Why not?” I asked.

“These servers came from Europe.”

“No local or Asia-Pacific servers could be found.”

“I know, but, the corporate standards of business conduct make it impossible for us to pay for this.”

“Because?”

“It might be interpreted as a gray market activity.”

“No problem,” I replied. “It is a very small payment. I’ll just arrange for it to be paid by our colleagues in Europe.”

But:

“We would like to pay the invoice, Dan, but we can’t.” European finance attempted to enlighten me.

“Really? Why not?” I asked.

“The servers were delivered in India.”

“Yes, that what we agreed to do.”

“If we pay for delivery of European servers into India, it will violate the corporate standards of business conduct.”

“Somehow, I’m not surprised,” I thought.

“Just get ask the customer in India to issue a PO to us.”

“A PO for what?”

“Nothing. It’s just a way to get the money to the customer.”

“Are you sure that won’t violate the corporate standards of business conduct?”

It didn’t. And:

I was happy that we had [Finally} ‘solved’ the problem.

Except: the customer didn’t like that solution.

After considering writing them a personal check and claiming it on the travel and expense account, I proposed a ‘credit note’. This meant that the customer would receive a discount on a future order. The discount would balance the problem invoice.

It appears that the customer (Exhausted, perhaps?) has agreed.

The credit note has been issued. Of course they haven’t ordered anything because they’re able to use the ‘free servers’ to meet the current needs.

India (Part 2)

In the last entry, I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the situation. There was still a trivial amount of ‘cleaning up’ to do – we had to retrieve the now not-needed servers. But..

An intermediary in Mumbai handled the import taxes and transportation from the airport to the customer location. Following the standard process:

• The intermediary billed the customer for this service.


• The customer did not pay the invoice; we had agreed to pay it.


• The intermediary placed the customer on ‘credit hold’.


• Responding to an alert from the intermediary we placed the customer on ‘credit hold’.
  
  

Eventually we figured out what had happened. The easy solution, Credit and Payment told me, would be to have the intermediary change the billing address from the customer to us. I communicated this approach to the customer and got agreement.

I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the situation. Except…

Several weeks passed without anything actually happening. I called finance:

“What is the problem here? The customer is driving me crazy.”

“The invoice is for ₤800,000 – more than one million dollars. We can’t accept that.”

“The invoice import tax on 13 obsolete servers and transportation from the airport to the customer’s datacenter. Traffic is bad in Mumbai, but something is clearly wrong..”

It turned out that the invoice was for 800,000 Indian Rupiahs – about $10,000. Finance agreed to authorize payment.

Given the difficulties we had getting the machines into India, we were not excited about trying to ship them back to the UK. Luckily, we were able to convince server division to simply leave them in India – as a gift.

I was happy that we had ‘solved’ the problem.

Except

• The customer wanted the gifts to come with free (3-year) maintenance.


• Although everyone had agreed to pay, no one had actually paid.
  

To be continued.

The photo is of the Taj Palace Hotel in Mumbai.

India

The new servers didn’t always work. They usually worked – but at unpredictable times they stopped. And, when they stopped they couldn’t be restarted remotely: a human being had to physically push the reset button. The customer had a ‘lights-out’ datacenter, i.e. no onsite staff, so when the server did fail, someone had to drive to the datacenter. The customer was not happy.

“They are being unreasonable,” our support team said.

Normally I would have agreed: they are usually unreasonable. But this time:“They just want what they bought to work,” I replied. “I think that is very reasonable.”

The problem is intermittent and hard to replicate.”

“I know. That’s why you’re fixing it and not me.”

It became clear that it getting a fix be neither straightforward nor rapid. Because the old servers didn’t have this problem, we agreed to temporarily replace the new servers with old servers. It wasn’t easy to locate the replacements which had gone EOL (end-of-life) many months earlier.
After an ‘inordinate delay’ (customer evaluation), we located 170 severs on the after-market. After we refurbished and certified them we shipped them, at our expense, to about 13 different countries. There were two small glitches:

• The problem with the new servers was fixed just after the old servers were shipped.


• It was impossible for us to pay for the final leg of shipping in Mumbai. We agreed to reimburse the customer.
  

Unaware of the impending doom, I basked in the knowledge that we had solved the problem.
But: To Be Continued.

The photo is from India.

Rehab

“They want to send me to rehab, Knut.” I explained to a colleague.

“Rehab?”

“It’s very fashionable. Everybody is doing it.”

“Everybody who has a problem. What’s your problem, Dan?”

“Cynicism.”

“Cynicism?”

“Excessive cynicism! I thought I was just sarcastic, but..”

“.. there is a thin line between sarcastic and cynical, Dan.” Knut replied.

“Perhaps I crossed the line. When we acquired (yet) another company, I expressed the hope that we would not follow our standard process: Locate and drive away the human expertise. And then off-shore everything else.”

“Well Dan, that does sound cynical.”

“It’s not cynical, Knut. It is simply an expression of hope.”

“Hope, Dan?”

“Of course! There is no way that we could possibly identify the humans with the expertise. Those people will depart all by themselves.”

“Wow! And they think you’re cynical.”

“I just don’t understand it.”

“But rehab, Dan?”

“Like I said, it’s the latest thing for treating problems: Alcohol, Drugs, Sex and now Cynicism. I’ll be treated just like Lindsey, Paris, Brittney and Tiger.

It is wisteria season in Zürich.

The Customer Meeting

Because of the volcano-induced delay, I had plenty of time to prepare for the meeting. Historically, this kind of session had not gone well. A bit of background.

There is a world-wide shortage of computer memory.

A small group of companies located in Asia manufacture memory for almost all computer servers. In the interests of operational efficiency, all suppliers have an extensive and complex supply chain – which means that nobody actually controls manufacture of the components that are necessary to build their computers. Nobody maintains inventory – that would add cost. Moreover, the ‘just-in-time’ manufacturing model means that nothing is ordered until (just before) it is needed – and just after a buyer has issued a Purchase Order. Thus, when demand declines, it impacts factories immediately. In this recession, demand declined dramatically. Memory manufacturing capacity dropped so much that factories were closed. Unfortunately, it is far easier to close a factory than it is to open a factory. Creating a memory fabrication plant is capital-intensive and time-consuming. So, although demand has recovered, shortages remain – and will remain for some time. My conclusions about this situation will be the subject of a subsequent entry.

The customer, aware of the shortage, is totally understanding. Waiting for the meeting to begin, I reviewed the situation in my mind. It was simple, he customer wants all of their orders to be delivered:

“Immediately, Dan. These are business critical systems.”

“There is,” I explained, “a global memory shortage.”

“We are a big customer – one of your biggest – and we need priority.”

“You were a big customer – the year before last.” I thought. “Last year your order volume dropped by…”, I said.

“We demand the highest priority.”

“All of our customers demand the highest priority,” I thought.

We had put several procedures and processes in place to track the orders and make sure that they received the appropriate attention. The shortages, however, remained. In spite of our effort, I wasn’t convinced that the customer would understand.

I had a quick lunch at a Chinese take-out place before the meeting. My fortune cookie was auspicious.

Present your best ideas today to
An eager and welcoming audience.

But I was still skeptical. And I was prepared. I had statistics, reports, plans and facts. I knew that I was ready for anything. The customer opened the meeting.

“I want to thank you for the amazing effort you’ve made. We notice substantial improvement and really appreciate what you’ve done.”

I was ready for almost everything. This particular gambit had me flummoxed.

“And, I know that we can sometimes be, well, difficult, so I would appreciate it if you can tell us how we can improve our processes.”

Not only was I flummoxed, I was gobsmacked. I was speechless. I was..

“Are you okay, Dan?” the customer asked.

The Top

Deutsche Bank invited Nazy and I to attend an Atlantic Council awards dinner in Washington last week. (Deutsche Bank CEO Josef Ackermann was getting an award for trans-Atlantic business management success.)

Reader Interrupt

The Atlantic Council gave a management award to a banker?

Yes

They gave an award to a banker in 2010?

Yes

What do you think about this?

I will address that question in a subsequent entry. Disclaimer: I like Joe Ackermann.

This entry is focused on the critically important item of: “What will we wear?”
It was a black tie event. I had been trapped in the USA by the volcano, but since my initial purpose in coming was to attend a wedding, I had appropriate clothing. Almost:

“And get a cummerbund while you’re in New York.” Nazy mandated.

“I can just use the one …”

“You want something black, Dan. Pink, Yellow and Purple polka dots will not do.”

“Actually,” I thought. “I do not want something black. I like Polka Dots.”

“Yes dear,” I said.

Thus, I was ready when we arrived in Washington. Moreover, Nazy, who had planned to stay in the USA until the dinner, had packed everything. [She was unaware of the deplorable baggage surcharges.] Because she had tried everything on before leaving Zürich, she knew how it looked and what she’d wear. You can imagine my astonishment:

“We’ll borrow Shahrzad’s car so we can go shopping," Nazy explained.

“Shopping?”

“I need a top for my dinner outfit.”

“You brought a top. In fact, I seem to recall that you brought several tops.”

“Dan..”

“And Shahrzad said that you could borrow one of hers if..”

“Dan!”

“I just don’t see the point.”

And, missing the point, I sat in the changing room as Nazy tried on a massive number of different tops. In the end she..

“…. decided on these two, Dan.”

“Two? What is this, a failback in case one fails?”

“I don’t like your formal shirt, Dan. Let’s go look at the Nieman-Marcus men’s selection.”

If you can’t wait until the next blog entry, you can check out the event at:

http://www.acus.org/event/2010-awards-dinner

Apples

Trapped in Atlanta, Darius and I seized the moment:

“We can get some ribs for dinner, Dad.”

“Mom..”

“… would never approve, but she is in California and we are in Atlanta.”

“I see your point.”

“And I need to fix my iPhone.”

Last Christmas, Nazy and I gave Darius an iPhone – a very expensive iPhone. Aware of the high prices in Switzerland, we asked Melika to acquire the device in California – where it cost even more. The day before Christmas, Darius commented (extensively) on the shortcoming of the iPhone:

“It’s bogus, Dad. They link the phone to a network. Android from Google is much, much better. Apple sucks.”

As you can imagine, this comment generated some consternation in the parental cohort of The Martin Family.

Darius changed his (i)Tune after he opened the phone. But:

“It’s not supported in Lebanon, Dad.”

“It won’t work?”

“Everyone has them, so …”

“Will it work, Dar?” I replied. “Your Mom would like an iPhone if it won’t.” I thought.

“I think I can get it unlocked.” (He wasn't willing to part with it.)

In fact, he did get unlocked. It worked for three days and then he loaded an update from the Apple website. Then:

“See Dad,” Darius explained. “The only thing it does is say:

Slide for Emergency.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. If I’m attacked by a mugger, do I slide to the grown? Slide the phone into his knee?”

“Dar..”

“It’s Apple, Dad. They are corporate villains. They knew it was me and they disabled my phone. I’m going to the Apple store and I’ll give them a piece of my mind.”

“Which piece?” I thought.

“They’ll just tell me that I’m using the phone in an unsupported area and then…”

“You’ll throw it in their faces?”

“Dad.”

“We can look at the iPad while we’re there, Dar.”
“The iPad is so lame, Dad. It’s too big to be an eBook and too small to be a laptop. No one will want one.”

“I want one.” I thought.

Contrary to Darius’ expectations, the Apple store fixed his phone. And equally contrary, Darius liked the iPad.

“This is cool, Dad. You push the ON button and it turns on, Dad. Immediately.”

“Isn’t that what a machine should do?”

“Have you tried booting a Windows PC, Dad?”

“I know, it used to be possible to get a cup of coffee while the machine was getting ready to do something, but now you can have a full American breakfast.”

“Turning a PC off is equally difficult.”

Unfortunately, the Atlanta Apple store had no iPads in stock. The huge US demand has also delayed introduction in Europe.

“Well, Darius,” I said. “It’s not all bad.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to New York. I think they’ll have iPads in stock.”

Note: They did. And their stock decreased by at least 1 when I got there.

The photo is completely unrelated to the text, but I like it.

The Taxi

“How are we going to get to the airport, Dan?” Nazy asked as she was packing.

“We could take a taxi, but since I will be gone for only three days, I believe that it will be cheaper to simply take the car.”

“Cheaper?”

“Sure. The taxi will cost 65 francs each way and three days in airport parking will only cost 120 Francs. We save 10 Francs and it’s much more convenient.”

“Good idea.”

“If we can fit all of the suitcases into the car,” I thought surveying the pile. The, imprudently, I made a comment about the additional cost of renting a trailer.

When my return flight was cancelled because of the volcano, I wasn’t disturbed. I had suffered numerous flight delays and cancellations in my career. Moreover, aware that I had to return to NYC for a business meeting the following Saturday, I decided to stay in the USA for an additional 12 days. Nazy, on the other had was traveling west – aware from the volcano – to visit Mitra and Melika in California.

Eventually it occurred to me that 15 days at 40 Francs a day would cost:

“600 Francs!” I thought. “Good grief.”

I immediately called Nazy to described the problem.

“But you said..”

The photo is of the taxi that we will be able to afford when we return to Zürich.

The Volcano

Please forgive the delay in posting the blog. I have been trapped in the USA as a result of volcano- induced (Mt. Eyjafjallajökull) flight cancellations.

The family trip was planned a year ago to attend Nazy’s niece’s wedding in Chattanooga. Nazy had spent most of the preceding year deciding what to wear and what to bring. (Because she planned to stay in the states for a while after the wedding to visit Mitra, Melika and various relatives in Canada and Washington, her wardrobe selections were complex.) I had patiently (and fruitlessly) watched an commented upon potential gowns for the black tie affair by failing to note subtle color differences (“It’s not gray, Dan, it’s pink!").

Just before we were scheduled to depart, Nazy prepared a gargantuan list of ‘things we mustn’t forget to pack’. She asked me to review the list:

“Q-tips?” I asked. “Surely the hotel will have Q-tips.”

“Dan..”

“It’s the best hotel in Chattanooga.. oh, I see what you’re saying.”

“Dan..”

“I will only be gone for three days, Nazy. I am a world traveler. I don’t need a list.”

“Have you packed your studs and cufflinks?” Nazy was aware that I don’t usually bring formal clothes on my business trips.

“Got them right here,” I replied as a picked them from the closet.

Both flights left on time. Nazy was taking US Air to Atlanta via Philadelphia. I was going on Lufthansa via Frankfurt.

“Poor Nazy,” I thought. “She is a peon-class frequent flyer – she’ll be cramped and uncomfortable whereas I, as an elite traveler will be feted and tended.”

Nazy got an entire row of empty seats to herself. I got stuffed in the back of the airplane in the midst of a group of bedraggled and smelly tourists.

Upon arrival, we collected Mitra and Stefan and drove to Chattanooga – admiring a beautiful new moon and Venus along the way.

Wedding day came and..

“I can’t find my studs and cufflinks!” I explained (cautiously).

“I told you..”

“I know.”

After the wedding, as we began to drive back to Atlanta for our onward journey, I got a text message from Lufthansa:

We apologize that your flight LH445 ATL-FRA 18Apr 6:15PM has been cancelled. Please call.
Nazy’s flight, naturally, left exactly on-time.

The photo is Mt. Etna in Sicily. The airplane to Atlanta took a southern route across the ocean and couldn’t be seen.

A Better Photo

As recounted in an earlier post, Nazy needs to get a Persian birth certificate. A trip to the Iranian Embassy in Bern was necessary as was an “Islamic” photo. (Her existing certificate is from the Empire of Iran and is not acceptable. She needs one from the Islamic ‘Republic’ of Iran instead.

Note: I promised Nazy that I would never again publish that photograph. According, interested blog followers are directed to the February 14 posting.

Note (further): I suggested that Nazy wear a burka will full head cover for the photo: “That way, none of your friends will be able to tell that it is a photograph of you.” Nazy demurred.

A few months later, the Iranian Embassy has asked for a “more Islamic…

“… photo,” the charge de’ affairs explained.

“More Islamic?” Nazy asked. “How?”

“You need to cover your neck. And..”

“And?”

“We need the birth certificates from all of your brothers and sisters.”

“Why?” Nazy asked.

“It’s required.” [All governments, Islamic or not, use similar justification language.]

Nazy is going use a photo machine at the train station.

The photo shows a more conventional Nazy – bargaining in Poland.

The Negotiation

The negotiations were dragging. (In short, everything was normal.) The customer requested an escalation. (Still normal.)

“My people,” my counterpart explained, “are telling me that your company keeps bringing up new things.”

“Interesting,” I replied. “My people are telling me that your company keeps bringing up old things.”

“You’ll need to bend on the price.”

“Bend?” I thought. “I’ll see if I can hire a contortionist.” I replied.

“Funny..”

“I can’t believe he has a sense of humor,” I thought. “I was sure that he was an automaton.”

“.. and on the terms and conditions. Naturally, we don’t accept your standard payment terms.”

“Of course not,” I replied. “That’s why we offered you better terms.”

“Nevertheless…”

“Do you plan on paying in the same decade that the invoice is generated?” I thought.

“… you’ll have to do better.”

“It’s nice that we understand each other,” I replied.

The photo is from our visit to Poland – appropriately demonstrating the care that must be taken in contractual negotiations.

The Wedding Trip

“I have a small problem, Dad.” Darius began.

“That’s not surprising,” I thought. “Are you stuck in a riot in Afghanistan?” I asked.

“I’ve never been to Afghanistan, Dad.”

“Did your frequent flyer trip to Sri Lanka go awry?”

Note: The purported objective of the Sri Lankan excursion was to get sufficient frequent flier miles to make to Chattanooga for the wedding.

“I went scuba diving in the Indian Ocean..”

“But?”

“Well, I had a little problem getting the trip from Beirut to Chattanooga booked using frequent flier miles. I had to pay for a shuttle trip to Kuwait.”

“Was it expensive?”

“No.”

“So, Darius, what is the problem?”

“I’m supposed to present a paper at the economic forum in China on the very same day as the wedding.”

“Hmm. I’m sure we can ask your Aunt to move the wedding back by one week."

“Do you think so?”

“Or maybe they could move the wedding from Chattanooga to Shanghai.”

“Dad..”

“The wedding was booked a year ago, Dar,” I explained. “You have accepted the invitation.”

“I also accepted the invitation to present this paper,” Darius thought.

“How did the conflict arise?” I asked.

“Don’t ask, Dad.” Darius responded.

Somehow Darius got the people in China to delay his presentation by a few days.

The photo is of an asymmetric church in Krakow.

Getting Home

Did you make it back to Zürich?

Yes.

Without help from the navigation system?

Partially! Claudia (the navigation system) awoke when we entered Germany. See photo above of Poland rendered ‘blank’ on the navigation system screen. (Note, as well, all the triangles indicating traffic problems.)

Were there any other driving challenges?

Nazy forgot to bring her key. That meant that before she could drive, she had to manually adjust the driver’s seat.

Gasp!

And, when I resumed driving, my key failed to automatically adjust the seat to my preferences. It was, as you can imagine, a very difficult time.

How long did it take to get to Zürich from Krakow?

About as long as it took Napoleon to retreat from Moscow. The German autobahns were crowded, narrow, bumpy and old. Naturally drivers adjusted their speed upward to cope. Resultant accidents created more congestion which in turn resulted in motorists attempts to make up time by moving to even higher speed – and so on.

Nazy's Birthday

For Nazy’s birthday dinner, I had planned..

Spousal interrupt: “You planned? Really?”

Hmm. For Nazy’s birthday dinner, I had vaguely thought of finding a great restaurant in Prague. When I was thinking about that, I didn’t know that traversing the last 4 kilometers to the hotel would take 90 minutes. Accordingly, Nazy and I jointly agreed to eat at the hotel restaurant.

The Grand Palace Hotel had a fine restaurant – a restaurant featuring service by a strange waiter named Valec. He didn’t walk, he floated. Valec spoke about 14 languages – well, he knew about 10 phrases in about 14 languages and he used them over and over again. Whenever he stopped by – which was frequently – he left by backing away: bowing, bobbing and babbling as he retreated.

Nazy, shunning the ‘by the glass’ selections, wanted a fine wine. Ever practical, I noted:

“We will never be able to finish an entire bottle, my dear.”

“That’s because you, Dan, don’t partake sufficiently.”

“Nevertheless..”

“Mark DeWolff told me to drink what you like and take the rest of the bottle with you. It’s accepted.”

“Accepted? Perhaps. Expected? I doubt it.” I replied.

It really didn’t matter, Valec decanted the wine into a 400 year old bohemian crystal carafe.

“We can't take that to the room," I explained to Nazy.

"I guess we'll just have to drink it," she replied.

The photo is from the main square in Prague.

Where are we?

“Can you imagine,” Nazy said, “a trip without a navigation system? Remember how we always got in a fight before?”

“Well..” I began.

“That was because you never turned when I told you.” Nazy continued.

“That was because you always told me to turn after we had passed the junction.” I thought.

We decided to stop in Prague on the way to Krakow. Someone…

Spousal Interrupt: “That someone was you, Dan.”

“… should have noted that adding the MapBlast travel times from Zürich to Prague and Prague to Krakow resulted in a total that was far larger than the time from Zürich directly to Krakow.”

Note: We hope to confirm this statement on the return journey where no mid-way stop is planned.

It was snowing when we started off on our last excursion – to the Christmas market in Heidelberg. We live in Switzerland, so it was snowing when we started on this Spring excursion.

Nazy and I exude cautious optimism about a potential trip on our anniversary: July 22.

We had no trouble getting to Prague. However, Krakow is in Poland and

“Uwaga! Claudia doesn’t know about Poland.” I gasped. (‘Uwaga’ is the Polish word meaning ‘Attention’.)

It took a long (and motorwayless) time to get to Krakow.

It was Good Friday in Prague. I was able to find the hidden Easter Egg

Nowhereville, Czech Republic

Sorry for the delay in posting. Nazy and I have been traveling. Now we’re in Krakow, Poland. Nazy is ‘getting ready’, so I have plenty of time to work on the blog.

After several friends told her that “all the shops” in Rome would be closed for the Easter holiday, Nazy suggested an alternative arrangement. (“We can go to Rome another time, dear.”)

We decided on Krakow before checking on any navigational details. After checking, we looked at a map and decided that a mid-trip stop in Prague made sense. Naturally, we didn’t check on the availability of motorways in the Czech Republic or Poland. Even more ominously, we never czeched to see if Claudia, the car’s navigation automaton knew about Eastern Europe. (She doesn’t.)

As far as we can tell, the Czech national competency is an uncanny ability to create traffic jams in the middle of nowhere for no reason whatsoever. Frequently, motorways would give way to rural lanes in countryside. When that happened, there was an inevitable backup (average time: 40 minutes; average speed: 5 kph) at a roundabout in nowhereville.

When this happened, Nazy examined the ‘map’.

A map is a piece of paper filled with random lines and words. In this case, the ‘map’ had lots of words with hats. None of the words was pronounceable.

We finally made it to Prague – a beautiful city that we hadn’t seen in almost 20 years. Nazy was in Crystal Heaven – although some of the business establishments seemed a bit sketchy.

The Letter of Intent

“We want to close on an LoI, a Letter of Intent, Dan.” The account director was clear.

I thought back to a discussion that took place in Vancouver – many years ago. Our company President, a bit of a moron, was really excited. He had gotten the Toronto Dominion bank to sign an “irrevocable letter of intent”.

“But,” I asked. “Is it an unchangeable, irrevocable letter of intent?”

He just looked at me.

“Intent to do what?” I thought.

In the current situation, the LoI was targeted to close on April 1.

“That’s April Fool’s Day,” I replied. “Can we close one day earlier?”

“How about April 2nd,” the director replied.

“That’s Good Friday. You know what happened then.”

Actually, there was no cause for alarm. The negotiations began in the Neolithic Age and are unlikely to conclude anytime soon.

Tomorrow is Nazy’s birthday – and accordingly she gets a photo in the blog.

Roaming in Rome?

“The shops will be closed!” A sentence greeted differently by Nazy and Dan.

“It’s Easter , my dear,” I explained. “A once in a life-time chance: we can visit the Vatican.”

“The Catholic Church is not very popular these days,” Nazy replied

.
“The procession only happens once a year,” I continued. “We’d be fools to miss it.”

“It will be crowded. We won’t be able to get reservations at any good restaurant.”

“So? We’ll just eat at McDonald’s,” I replied – hopefully. “And I found a really grand hotel. It’s right in the shopping district.”

“Dan! We should go to Rome some other time.”

“No Roaming?”

“None at all.”

“So, where would you like to spend your birthday?”

“At the Pucci Emporium,” Nazy thought. “What do you suggest, Dan?” Nazy said.

We decided that Italy is too Catholic, Greece is too far, Germany too rainy, Austria too German, Switzerland too close to home…

“What about Krakow?” I suggested.

“Isn’t the Pope from Krakow?” Nazy was still thinking about Easter in Rome.

“Old Pope, not the new one.” I replied.

We’ve decided to go to Krakow via Prague for Nazy’s birthday.

The photo is from the last family trip to Rome. Clearly we haven't been there is a (long) while.