The Spousal Interrupt - Redux

So, after several weeks and five visits by repairmen, the landlord agreed to replace the clothes dryer. The new machine features typical German over-engineering: multiple filters requiring substantial manual intervention, a control panel that would look at home on the Starship Enterprise and…

Spousal Interrupt: “Do not use this letter to complain about Swiss appliances. The reader doesn’t care and is tired of hearing this from you.”

“Hmm,” I thought. “This is getting difficult.

Yesterday morning, while Nazy was retrieving her breakfast eggs from the refrigerator, she knocked a bottle of ketchup over. And …”

Spousal Interrupt: “This is not funny, Dan.”

“Quiet, my dear. I am on a roll.”

“… red ketchup, launched by the equal and opposite reaction generated when the bottle hit the floor, followed a parabolic path upward..”

Spousal Interrupt: “This is really not funny, Dan.”

… until it reached the ceiling. At that point, abrupt deceleration caused the spherical ketchup droplets to flatten. Portions remained on the ceiling. Other parts, lacking viscosity and the associated surface tension, simply obeyed the law of gravity and accelerated downward.

“Yuck!” Nazy said as a ketchup storm hit her hair.

My reaction was exactly what should be expected of a concerned, carrying and compassionate husband.

“Are you laughing?” Nazy growled.

“Of course not, my dear. I am sympathizing.” I reached for my digital camera.

“That’s not a good idea,” Nazy said.

Were I brave enough, I would have included the aforementioned photographs. It did however, remind me of the time that someone turned the blender on – but forgot the lid.

Spousal Interrupt: “This is really not funny, Dan.”

Or the time, in Vancouver, when someone forgot eggs were on the stove. When the water boiled away…

Hmm… I have decided to change the subject.

The Spousal Interrupt

“So,"I thought. "My wife doesn't want me to blog about unfair US taxes."

"I don't want you to complain," Nazy replies.

Accordingly, I have shifted gears:

“Garry,” I said. “You must join the call. You’re the head of the Division; the deal is all about storage. We need you to represent the company..”

“… Dan…”

“You must explain that they are being unreasonable. As head of the business unit, you have clout.”

“Clout, Dan? Here? I’m wondering why I left my ‘clout-filled’ job at..”

“So, Garry,” I interrupted. “You’ll kick-off the call at noon?”

“I have to fly home, Dan. And before I leave for the airport, I have to fire three people. My personal ‘touch’ is required for that. My wife is poorly. The cat died last night and the kids are crying. We’ve just moved into a new house and the plumbing is leaking, the movers ruined my wife’s heirloom credenza…”

Spousal Interrupt: “Do not use this letter to complain about your employer, Dan. The reader doesn’t care and is tired of hearing this from you.”

“But, my dear, I’m not complaining about my employer, I’m going to complain about the customer.”

“No.” Nazy replied.

“She is so understanding,” I thought – shifting gears once again.

After several weeks and five visits by repairmen, the landlord agreed to replace the clothes dryer. The new machine features typical German over-engineering: multiple filters requiring substantial manual intervention, a control panel that would look at home on the Starship Enterprise and…

Spousal Interrupt: “Do not use this letter to complain about Swiss appliances. The reader doesn’t care and is tired of hearing this from you.”

“Hmm,” I thought. “This is getting difficult.”

Taxes

The week began on a frightening note. Following routine, I collected the mail form our postbox. Anxiously I opened one (rather hefty) envelope as I took the elevator to our apartment. A piercing pain gripped my body and I slid to the floor wailing. My final USA tax assessment had arrived.

While Nazy reassured the neighbors, I crawled to the medicine cabinet and quaffed several (extra strength) pain killers. After I regained my strength (a process that took several hours, eh, days) I telephoned Caspar, my US accountant.

"It’s unfair, Caspar.” I explained, patiently.

“It is the law. As an American, you are not allowed to take advantage of the fact that you live in a low-tax country. You have to pay the difference.”

“Caspar!” I exclaimed. “My income went down. How can my taxes go up?”

“The dollar, Dan, went down, so your total income in US dollars increa$ed. A lot!”

“The dollar may have collapsed, but I am paid in Swiss Francs. My expenses are in Francs. The change in the dollar does not affect my cost of living in Switzerland.”

“You won’t need as many Francs to pay your American taxes..”

Spousal Interrupt: “Do not use this blog to complain about American taxes, Dan. The reader doesn’t care and is tired of hearing about this from you.”

... Now I have to think of a new topic....

P.S. The photo is of me scouting out a place to pitch a family tent in the forest. That's about the only place we will be able to afford if the taxes... oops, my wife is striding into view....

Juggling Action Items

“Why are you complaining, Dan?” My boss asked. “You’re in the golden state.”

“It’s 3:00AM. That’s why I’m complaining.”

“That’s funny. It’s noon here.”

“It’s dark here, so I can’t tell if it’s golden. But wind is driving supersonic (rain)spheroids against the window, so I’m pretty sure…”

“It never rains in Southern California, Dan,” My boss interrupted.

“I’m in Northern California.” I replied.

“Well, eh, hmm. I just wanted to wish you luck with the customer meeting.”

“Thanks. Good night.”

“And,” he interjected. “You need to revise the forecast, redo next year’s business plan, update the response sheet for the Sun attack, Mainframe attack and Cisco attack..”

“I thought we were partners with Cisco.”

“Of course. The Cisco partnership call is..”

“I get the idea.”

“And how will you use the marketing assistance..”

“I won’t.”

“… revise the strategic growth initiative, respond to the management mandate, complete the standards of business conduct course, watch the Ethics in Action webcast…

“The Ethics in Action webcast!” I interrupted. “I’ll do that right now. Goodbye.”

In truth, suffering from jetlag, I had been awake when he called. “But,” I thought. “I know that the Ethics in Action webcast will put me to sleep.”