Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Business Offer


Pesky company business was interfering with my plans and wreaking havoc with my trip. An extremely complicated customer request had activated our company’s process genes. Meetings, con-calls and reviews were scheduled with no understanding whatsoever of the consequences (e.g. time zones) of the spheroid shape of the planet. Critical conferences were routinely scheduled for midnight or 1:00AM Hong Kong time. My boss called demanding an explanation.

“It is all my fault.” I confessed. “I am trying to do something different.”

“Different? Why would you…”

“Our marketing materials say that customers can purchase technology as if it were a utility: paying for what they use and only when they use it.”

“That’s just marketing, Dan..”

“The customer believed it.”

“What?! How could you let that happen?”

The challenge was clear: Naively, I was trying to deliver what was promised in the advertisements. Naturally, this unprecedented approach attracted the risk assessment subcommittee of the Business Avoidance Division (BAD).

“Your proposal, Dan,” one call began, “is untenable. It requires a coordinated response from our Financial Services, Storage, Technical Support, Software, Consulting and Outsourcing units.”

“The customer wants a solution.”

“And you expect to deliver it in North America, Europe, Asia and Austraila.”

“The customer wants a global solution.”

As it began to look like we might actually sell this, internal activity accelerated – sucking time and generating work. The risk assessors demanded ever-increasing detail and mitigation processes. Their objective was to raise the price so high that the customer wouldn’t buy the solution. (No Sale, No Risk.) At the same time, business managers who had been hostile to the approach began to realize that they would look like nay-saying fools if the customer actually bought the solution. As a result, a concerted effort to ‘help’ (i.e. ‘claim credit’) ensued. All of this resulted in a plethora of phone calls. Thus, I shouldn’t have been surprised at 3:00 AM when the iPhone began to emulate Big Ben.


Note: I just like the photo, I don't think it has anything to do with the posting

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