The Business Offer

Pesky company business was interfering with my plans and wreaking havoc with my trip. An extremely complicated customer request had activated our company’s process genes. Meetings, con-calls and reviews were scheduled with no understanding whatsoever of the consequences (e.g. time zones) of the spheroid shape of the planet. Critical conferences were routinely scheduled for midnight or 1:00AM Hong Kong time. My boss called demanding an explanation.

“It is all my fault.” I confessed. “I am trying to do something different.”

“Different? Why would you…”

“Our marketing materials say that customers can purchase technology as if it were a utility: paying for what they use and only when they use it.”

“That’s just marketing, Dan..”

“The customer believed it.”

“What?! How could you let that happen?”

The challenge was clear: Naively, I was trying to deliver what was promised in the advertisements. Naturally, this unprecedented approach attracted the risk assessment subcommittee of the Business Avoidance Division (BAD).

“Your proposal, Dan,” one call began, “is untenable. It requires a coordinated response from our Financial Services, Storage, Technical Support, Software, Consulting and Outsourcing units.”

“The customer wants a solution.”

“And you expect to deliver it in North America, Europe, Asia and Austraila.”

“The customer wants a global solution.”

As it began to look like we might actually sell this, internal activity accelerated – sucking time and generating work. The risk assessors demanded ever-increasing detail and mitigation processes. Their objective was to raise the price so high that the customer wouldn’t buy the solution. (No Sale, No Risk.) At the same time, business managers who had been hostile to the approach began to realize that they would look like nay-saying fools if the customer actually bought the solution. As a result, a concerted effort to ‘help’ (i.e. ‘claim credit’) ensued. All of this resulted in a plethora of phone calls. Thus, I shouldn’t have been surprised at 3:00 AM when the iPhone began to emulate Big Ben.

Note: I just like the photo, I don't think it has anything to do with the posting

I'm practical

“Why do you always make ‘the Darius character’ look bad, Dad?”

“Why do you ask, Darius?” I replied.

“People will think that the only thing I can do is lose things.”

“Well - you did leave your shoes in Iceland..”

“Dad…”

“And you mobile phone and the pillow and..”

“Please make Melika the star of this episode.”

“Sounds fair to me,” I replied. “I’ve just finished a telephone conversations which may provide material,” I thought. Melika had volunteered information:

“Darius is helping me with economic advice, Dad.”

“Really? How is it going?”

“It is very complicated, Dad…”

“You’re a lawyer, Melika. You revel in complication.”

“I know, Dad. But, as a first step, I like to simplify things.”

“I see.”

“I think Darius is saying that the general idea is to try to arrange it so that, eh, I spend less each month than I earn.”

“What a unique idea.”

“Unique and implausible, Dad.”

“I agree that it would be a life-style altering approach for you, Melika.”

“That what I told him, Dad: I was like, ‘Get real, Dar.’ I'm not sure that he appreciated it. I mean, I am practical, Dad, but…”

“Practical, Melika? You got a dog.”

Too many.....

I was trying to get to my meeting in South Mumbai. The car wasn’t moving and there wasn’t much to look at. In fact, I tried to avoid looking out because professional beggars were scratching at the window. “These people are so different,” I thought. Satish, my driver, wasn’t amused either.

“Politicians do nothing for the people,” he opined.

“We’re not so different,” I thought. “Politician-bashing is a universal human activity.”

“Seven million people move into the city to work every day,” Satish continued.

“They don’t look like they’re moving, Satish.” I replied. “7 million people,” I thought. “It’s like the entire population of Switzerland driving into one city.”

“They don’t all drive, sir. Some take the train.”

“Too many cars, Satish.” I replied.

“Too many cars. Too many people. Too many languages. Too many religions…..”

“My driver is a philosopher,” I thought.

“… too many problems.”

“And a realist,” I concluded.

Note: The photo directly shows two of the three types of taxis. The third type is a blue ‘cool’ taxi – i.e. air conditioned. (You can see one in the background.) I was in a car arranged by the hotel. (I hope the company pays my expense claim.)

Jellyfish and Chicken Feet

I am trying to nourish my customer relationships in Asia-Pacific. To that end, I invited them to join me for lunch. They suggested a nearby Chinese Eatery.

“What would you like?” Richard asked.

“I’m not particular,” I replied. “I can eat anything.” (“Except cucumbers,” I thought.)

“Be careful about what you say,” Richard replied. “You are in China.”

“Good point,” I said. “I can eat anything normal.”

“I understand,” Richard replied. Then he ordered the starter: jellyfish.

“What does this taste like?” I asked.

“Cucumber,”

“Wonderful,” I thought.

“Actually, there’s not much taste. You have to dip in garlic and soy sauce.”

It looked, well, it looked like a blob of gelatine. It was, however, crunchy and, with the garlic, somewhat tasty. I politely demurred on the chicken feet option.

Hong Kong is a very dynamic city. They continue to reclaim land from the harbor and building construction hasn’t diminished. Many banks are moving to a new facility that is being erected on the Kowloon (mainland) side of the harbour. Interestingly, even though the building is not finished, tenants have already occupied into the bottom 30 floors.

The economic situation has a positive side here. The skies were actually blue. The last time I saw something like this in Hong Kong was 1993.