Apples

Trapped in Atlanta, Darius and I seized the moment:

“We can get some ribs for dinner, Dad.”

“Mom..”

“… would never approve, but she is in California and we are in Atlanta.”

“I see your point.”

“And I need to fix my iPhone.”

Last Christmas, Nazy and I gave Darius an iPhone – a very expensive iPhone. Aware of the high prices in Switzerland, we asked Melika to acquire the device in California – where it cost even more. The day before Christmas, Darius commented (extensively) on the shortcoming of the iPhone:

“It’s bogus, Dad. They link the phone to a network. Android from Google is much, much better. Apple sucks.”

As you can imagine, this comment generated some consternation in the parental cohort of The Martin Family.

Darius changed his (i)Tune after he opened the phone. But:

“It’s not supported in Lebanon, Dad.”

“It won’t work?”

“Everyone has them, so …”

“Will it work, Dar?” I replied. “Your Mom would like an iPhone if it won’t.” I thought.

“I think I can get it unlocked.” (He wasn't willing to part with it.)

In fact, he did get unlocked. It worked for three days and then he loaded an update from the Apple website. Then:

“See Dad,” Darius explained. “The only thing it does is say:

Slide for Emergency.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. If I’m attacked by a mugger, do I slide to the grown? Slide the phone into his knee?”

“Dar..”

“It’s Apple, Dad. They are corporate villains. They knew it was me and they disabled my phone. I’m going to the Apple store and I’ll give them a piece of my mind.”

“Which piece?” I thought.

“They’ll just tell me that I’m using the phone in an unsupported area and then…”

“You’ll throw it in their faces?”

“Dad.”

“We can look at the iPad while we’re there, Dar.”
“The iPad is so lame, Dad. It’s too big to be an eBook and too small to be a laptop. No one will want one.”

“I want one.” I thought.

Contrary to Darius’ expectations, the Apple store fixed his phone. And equally contrary, Darius liked the iPad.

“This is cool, Dad. You push the ON button and it turns on, Dad. Immediately.”

“Isn’t that what a machine should do?”

“Have you tried booting a Windows PC, Dad?”

“I know, it used to be possible to get a cup of coffee while the machine was getting ready to do something, but now you can have a full American breakfast.”

“Turning a PC off is equally difficult.”

Unfortunately, the Atlanta Apple store had no iPads in stock. The huge US demand has also delayed introduction in Europe.

“Well, Darius,” I said. “It’s not all bad.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to New York. I think they’ll have iPads in stock.”

Note: They did. And their stock decreased by at least 1 when I got there.

The photo is completely unrelated to the text, but I like it.

The Taxi

“How are we going to get to the airport, Dan?” Nazy asked as she was packing.

“We could take a taxi, but since I will be gone for only three days, I believe that it will be cheaper to simply take the car.”

“Cheaper?”

“Sure. The taxi will cost 65 francs each way and three days in airport parking will only cost 120 Francs. We save 10 Francs and it’s much more convenient.”

“Good idea.”

“If we can fit all of the suitcases into the car,” I thought surveying the pile. The, imprudently, I made a comment about the additional cost of renting a trailer.

When my return flight was cancelled because of the volcano, I wasn’t disturbed. I had suffered numerous flight delays and cancellations in my career. Moreover, aware that I had to return to NYC for a business meeting the following Saturday, I decided to stay in the USA for an additional 12 days. Nazy, on the other had was traveling west – aware from the volcano – to visit Mitra and Melika in California.

Eventually it occurred to me that 15 days at 40 Francs a day would cost:

“600 Francs!” I thought. “Good grief.”

I immediately called Nazy to described the problem.

“But you said..”

The photo is of the taxi that we will be able to afford when we return to Zürich.

The Volcano

Please forgive the delay in posting the blog. I have been trapped in the USA as a result of volcano- induced (Mt. Eyjafjallajökull) flight cancellations.

The family trip was planned a year ago to attend Nazy’s niece’s wedding in Chattanooga. Nazy had spent most of the preceding year deciding what to wear and what to bring. (Because she planned to stay in the states for a while after the wedding to visit Mitra, Melika and various relatives in Canada and Washington, her wardrobe selections were complex.) I had patiently (and fruitlessly) watched an commented upon potential gowns for the black tie affair by failing to note subtle color differences (“It’s not gray, Dan, it’s pink!").

Just before we were scheduled to depart, Nazy prepared a gargantuan list of ‘things we mustn’t forget to pack’. She asked me to review the list:

“Q-tips?” I asked. “Surely the hotel will have Q-tips.”

“Dan..”

“It’s the best hotel in Chattanooga.. oh, I see what you’re saying.”

“Dan..”

“I will only be gone for three days, Nazy. I am a world traveler. I don’t need a list.”

“Have you packed your studs and cufflinks?” Nazy was aware that I don’t usually bring formal clothes on my business trips.

“Got them right here,” I replied as a picked them from the closet.

Both flights left on time. Nazy was taking US Air to Atlanta via Philadelphia. I was going on Lufthansa via Frankfurt.

“Poor Nazy,” I thought. “She is a peon-class frequent flyer – she’ll be cramped and uncomfortable whereas I, as an elite traveler will be feted and tended.”

Nazy got an entire row of empty seats to herself. I got stuffed in the back of the airplane in the midst of a group of bedraggled and smelly tourists.

Upon arrival, we collected Mitra and Stefan and drove to Chattanooga – admiring a beautiful new moon and Venus along the way.

Wedding day came and..

“I can’t find my studs and cufflinks!” I explained (cautiously).

“I told you..”

“I know.”

After the wedding, as we began to drive back to Atlanta for our onward journey, I got a text message from Lufthansa:

We apologize that your flight LH445 ATL-FRA 18Apr 6:15PM has been cancelled. Please call.
Nazy’s flight, naturally, left exactly on-time.

The photo is Mt. Etna in Sicily. The airplane to Atlanta took a southern route across the ocean and couldn’t be seen.

A Better Photo

As recounted in an earlier post, Nazy needs to get a Persian birth certificate. A trip to the Iranian Embassy in Bern was necessary as was an “Islamic” photo. (Her existing certificate is from the Empire of Iran and is not acceptable. She needs one from the Islamic ‘Republic’ of Iran instead.

Note: I promised Nazy that I would never again publish that photograph. According, interested blog followers are directed to the February 14 posting.

Note (further): I suggested that Nazy wear a burka will full head cover for the photo: “That way, none of your friends will be able to tell that it is a photograph of you.” Nazy demurred.

A few months later, the Iranian Embassy has asked for a “more Islamic…

“… photo,” the charge de’ affairs explained.

“More Islamic?” Nazy asked. “How?”

“You need to cover your neck. And..”

“And?”

“We need the birth certificates from all of your brothers and sisters.”

“Why?” Nazy asked.

“It’s required.” [All governments, Islamic or not, use similar justification language.]

Nazy is going use a photo machine at the train station.

The photo shows a more conventional Nazy – bargaining in Poland.

The Negotiation

The negotiations were dragging. (In short, everything was normal.) The customer requested an escalation. (Still normal.)

“My people,” my counterpart explained, “are telling me that your company keeps bringing up new things.”

“Interesting,” I replied. “My people are telling me that your company keeps bringing up old things.”

“You’ll need to bend on the price.”

“Bend?” I thought. “I’ll see if I can hire a contortionist.” I replied.

“Funny..”

“I can’t believe he has a sense of humor,” I thought. “I was sure that he was an automaton.”

“.. and on the terms and conditions. Naturally, we don’t accept your standard payment terms.”

“Of course not,” I replied. “That’s why we offered you better terms.”

“Nevertheless…”

“Do you plan on paying in the same decade that the invoice is generated?” I thought.

“… you’ll have to do better.”

“It’s nice that we understand each other,” I replied.

The photo is from our visit to Poland – appropriately demonstrating the care that must be taken in contractual negotiations.

The Wedding Trip

“I have a small problem, Dad.” Darius began.

“That’s not surprising,” I thought. “Are you stuck in a riot in Afghanistan?” I asked.

“I’ve never been to Afghanistan, Dad.”

“Did your frequent flyer trip to Sri Lanka go awry?”

Note: The purported objective of the Sri Lankan excursion was to get sufficient frequent flier miles to make to Chattanooga for the wedding.

“I went scuba diving in the Indian Ocean..”

“But?”

“Well, I had a little problem getting the trip from Beirut to Chattanooga booked using frequent flier miles. I had to pay for a shuttle trip to Kuwait.”

“Was it expensive?”

“No.”

“So, Darius, what is the problem?”

“I’m supposed to present a paper at the economic forum in China on the very same day as the wedding.”

“Hmm. I’m sure we can ask your Aunt to move the wedding back by one week."

“Do you think so?”

“Or maybe they could move the wedding from Chattanooga to Shanghai.”

“Dad..”

“The wedding was booked a year ago, Dar,” I explained. “You have accepted the invitation.”

“I also accepted the invitation to present this paper,” Darius thought.

“How did the conflict arise?” I asked.

“Don’t ask, Dad.” Darius responded.

Somehow Darius got the people in China to delay his presentation by a few days.

The photo is of an asymmetric church in Krakow.

Getting Home

Did you make it back to Zürich?

Yes.

Without help from the navigation system?

Partially! Claudia (the navigation system) awoke when we entered Germany. See photo above of Poland rendered ‘blank’ on the navigation system screen. (Note, as well, all the triangles indicating traffic problems.)

Were there any other driving challenges?

Nazy forgot to bring her key. That meant that before she could drive, she had to manually adjust the driver’s seat.

Gasp!

And, when I resumed driving, my key failed to automatically adjust the seat to my preferences. It was, as you can imagine, a very difficult time.

How long did it take to get to Zürich from Krakow?

About as long as it took Napoleon to retreat from Moscow. The German autobahns were crowded, narrow, bumpy and old. Naturally drivers adjusted their speed upward to cope. Resultant accidents created more congestion which in turn resulted in motorists attempts to make up time by moving to even higher speed – and so on.

Nazy's Birthday

For Nazy’s birthday dinner, I had planned..

Spousal interrupt: “You planned? Really?”

Hmm. For Nazy’s birthday dinner, I had vaguely thought of finding a great restaurant in Prague. When I was thinking about that, I didn’t know that traversing the last 4 kilometers to the hotel would take 90 minutes. Accordingly, Nazy and I jointly agreed to eat at the hotel restaurant.

The Grand Palace Hotel had a fine restaurant – a restaurant featuring service by a strange waiter named Valec. He didn’t walk, he floated. Valec spoke about 14 languages – well, he knew about 10 phrases in about 14 languages and he used them over and over again. Whenever he stopped by – which was frequently – he left by backing away: bowing, bobbing and babbling as he retreated.

Nazy, shunning the ‘by the glass’ selections, wanted a fine wine. Ever practical, I noted:

“We will never be able to finish an entire bottle, my dear.”

“That’s because you, Dan, don’t partake sufficiently.”

“Nevertheless..”

“Mark DeWolff told me to drink what you like and take the rest of the bottle with you. It’s accepted.”

“Accepted? Perhaps. Expected? I doubt it.” I replied.

It really didn’t matter, Valec decanted the wine into a 400 year old bohemian crystal carafe.

“We can't take that to the room," I explained to Nazy.

"I guess we'll just have to drink it," she replied.

The photo is from the main square in Prague.

Where are we?

“Can you imagine,” Nazy said, “a trip without a navigation system? Remember how we always got in a fight before?”

“Well..” I began.

“That was because you never turned when I told you.” Nazy continued.

“That was because you always told me to turn after we had passed the junction.” I thought.

We decided to stop in Prague on the way to Krakow. Someone…

Spousal Interrupt: “That someone was you, Dan.”

“… should have noted that adding the MapBlast travel times from Zürich to Prague and Prague to Krakow resulted in a total that was far larger than the time from Zürich directly to Krakow.”

Note: We hope to confirm this statement on the return journey where no mid-way stop is planned.

It was snowing when we started off on our last excursion – to the Christmas market in Heidelberg. We live in Switzerland, so it was snowing when we started on this Spring excursion.

Nazy and I exude cautious optimism about a potential trip on our anniversary: July 22.

We had no trouble getting to Prague. However, Krakow is in Poland and

“Uwaga! Claudia doesn’t know about Poland.” I gasped. (‘Uwaga’ is the Polish word meaning ‘Attention’.)

It took a long (and motorwayless) time to get to Krakow.

It was Good Friday in Prague. I was able to find the hidden Easter Egg

Nowhereville, Czech Republic

Sorry for the delay in posting. Nazy and I have been traveling. Now we’re in Krakow, Poland. Nazy is ‘getting ready’, so I have plenty of time to work on the blog.

After several friends told her that “all the shops” in Rome would be closed for the Easter holiday, Nazy suggested an alternative arrangement. (“We can go to Rome another time, dear.”)

We decided on Krakow before checking on any navigational details. After checking, we looked at a map and decided that a mid-trip stop in Prague made sense. Naturally, we didn’t check on the availability of motorways in the Czech Republic or Poland. Even more ominously, we never czeched to see if Claudia, the car’s navigation automaton knew about Eastern Europe. (She doesn’t.)

As far as we can tell, the Czech national competency is an uncanny ability to create traffic jams in the middle of nowhere for no reason whatsoever. Frequently, motorways would give way to rural lanes in countryside. When that happened, there was an inevitable backup (average time: 40 minutes; average speed: 5 kph) at a roundabout in nowhereville.

When this happened, Nazy examined the ‘map’.

A map is a piece of paper filled with random lines and words. In this case, the ‘map’ had lots of words with hats. None of the words was pronounceable.

We finally made it to Prague – a beautiful city that we hadn’t seen in almost 20 years. Nazy was in Crystal Heaven – although some of the business establishments seemed a bit sketchy.