The Letter of Intent

“We want to close on an LoI, a Letter of Intent, Dan.” The account director was clear.

I thought back to a discussion that took place in Vancouver – many years ago. Our company President, a bit of a moron, was really excited. He had gotten the Toronto Dominion bank to sign an “irrevocable letter of intent”.

“But,” I asked. “Is it an unchangeable, irrevocable letter of intent?”

He just looked at me.

“Intent to do what?” I thought.

In the current situation, the LoI was targeted to close on April 1.

“That’s April Fool’s Day,” I replied. “Can we close one day earlier?”

“How about April 2nd,” the director replied.

“That’s Good Friday. You know what happened then.”

Actually, there was no cause for alarm. The negotiations began in the Neolithic Age and are unlikely to conclude anytime soon.

Tomorrow is Nazy’s birthday – and accordingly she gets a photo in the blog.

Roaming in Rome?

“The shops will be closed!” A sentence greeted differently by Nazy and Dan.

“It’s Easter , my dear,” I explained. “A once in a life-time chance: we can visit the Vatican.”

“The Catholic Church is not very popular these days,” Nazy replied

.
“The procession only happens once a year,” I continued. “We’d be fools to miss it.”

“It will be crowded. We won’t be able to get reservations at any good restaurant.”

“So? We’ll just eat at McDonald’s,” I replied – hopefully. “And I found a really grand hotel. It’s right in the shopping district.”

“Dan! We should go to Rome some other time.”

“No Roaming?”

“None at all.”

“So, where would you like to spend your birthday?”

“At the Pucci Emporium,” Nazy thought. “What do you suggest, Dan?” Nazy said.

We decided that Italy is too Catholic, Greece is too far, Germany too rainy, Austria too German, Switzerland too close to home…

“What about Krakow?” I suggested.

“Isn’t the Pope from Krakow?” Nazy was still thinking about Easter in Rome.

“Old Pope, not the new one.” I replied.

We’ve decided to go to Krakow via Prague for Nazy’s birthday.

The photo is from the last family trip to Rome. Clearly we haven't been there is a (long) while.

Rome for Easter?

“Thursday is my birthday, Dan. Can’t we do something special?” Nazy asked.

“Of course, my dear,” I replied. “I’ll find a nice restaurant,” I thought. “What did you have in mind?”

“We could spend the Easter holiday in Italy.”

“Italy?”

“Rome. We haven’t been to Rome for about 20 years.”

“Hmm…” I replied.

“And when we went, our hotel…”

“… sucked,” I thought.

“… wasn’t so great,” Nazy noted. “We deserve a good hotel – something near the Spanish Steps.”

“I thought the Spanish Steps were in Madrid.”

“Dan! The Spanish Steps are in the middle of the best shopping district.”

“Really?”

“We can go shopping in Rome.”

“The stores will be closed for the Easter holiday, Nazy.” I exclaimed.

“Maybe we should travel the week after my birthday. It won’t be so crowded. Do you think they do ‘after Easter’ sales?”

In response to queries, I’ve included a photo of a sport jacket tailored in Hong Kong. Readers were concerned that may have purchased a polka dot tuxedo.

Questions and Answers (more)

Has the city (finally) collected your Christmas Tree?

It’s only Easter.
But?

But, no! After we sawed the goliath of Christmas Trees into a plethora of Tiny Tim pieces, the disjointed pieces of the tree trunk we collected. However, the branches – which, defying science, are still green – remain, forlornly deposited on the ground. We tried putting them into the ‘green garbage’:

“They are, in fact, ever-green,” I explained to Nazy.

The result was unsuccessful. They simply stopped emptying the Green Garbage. Now we have been reduced to chopping the remaining branches into very small twigs that we hide amongst the defunct cut flowers.

Flowers are not green. Can you discard them in the green garbage?

Don’t ask.

What do you think of the passage of the healthcare package in the USA?

I live in Europe. No one here, including me, understands the difficulty in meeting a basic human need.

But isn’t it expensive?

The Americans pay twice as much per capita as any other major country – and half of the population is uninsured and the life span is lower. I think it was already expensive.

The plan is coercive. The government will force you to purchase insurance. Isn’t that wrong?

The government will force you? Is that a surprise? We have the same kind of plan in Switzerland. And, by the way, they can’t cancel my insurance when I get sick.

But the way health care is handled is absurd. There is no link between the payer and the service.

That’s absolutely true. But that’s a different problem. And, by the way, that wasn't a question.

Unintended Consequences

Presentations at the Ambassador’s meeting continued. People reluctantly came to the conclusion that the IRS representatives were simply drones charged with enforcing the law and, therefore, any attacks on fairness were misplaced. But:

“Do not forget to report your foreign bank account information to the treasury department.”

“I don’t have a foreign bank account,” I thought. “I live in Switzerland. I have a Swiss account.”

“Any bank account that had $10,000 in it at any time during the year must be reported.”

“Which line of the 1040 (tax file) should you use?” Someone asked.

“It’s not a tax requirement, it is a treasury requirement. It’s a different form and a different deadline.”

“Why do they want to know about my bank accounts?” I asked.

There was a lot of hemming and hawing and then the Ambassador explained that the rule was a consequence of a law attacking gun runners, terrorists and money laundering operations.
“So,” I thought. “Do I understand this properly: Gun running is my profession – i.e. I’m willing to smuggle guns and risk attack by an actual army. The American solution to the problem is to require that I register my bank account number? If I’m willing to run guns, then I’m probably willing to forgo bank account registration.”

When I explained this to Darius, he immediately concluded that the government is lying.

“Lying, Darius?” I replied. “The government? Surely you jest!”

“They want to collect all your financial information, Dad.”

“It could be that the law is just an unintended consequence of some rider that a misguided senator attached to a bridge building bill.”

“Dad..”

“Remember, misguided senators are not in short supply.”

The photo show Nazy negotiating with the IRS.

A fair amount of money?

Nazy and I attended an information briefing from the embassy last night. Things went well until the topic of taxes arose. The new ambassador stepped in to the fray.

“Is it true,” I asked, “that the US is the only country that taxes based on citizenship rather than residency?”

“Yes. The only major country.”

“That’s taxation with our representation,” someone in the back shouted.

“Yes, but..” the ambassador was struggling.

“Why can’t we, as expats, have a representative in Congress?” Nazy asked.

“That would require a constitutional amendment. Can you imagine the legislature of South Carolina or Nebraska voting to add 2 more senators? I grew up in Washington, it took 50 years to get a representative there. And we lived in the continental USA.”

“There are examples,” someone said. “Germany, Italy and France allow expats to elect parliament members.”

“That’s true..”

“So, they’re represented and aren’t taxed, while we’re unrepresented and are taxed. Is that right?” I asked.

“Yes,”

“Do you think the tax will be dropped?”

“Of course not,” the ambassador replied. “Just think how it would play on Fox News with Bill O’Reilly: Rich Americans in Zürich want tax break.”

“Ah..”

“Besides,” the ambassador continued. “it raises a fair amount of money..”

“I wouldn’t use the adjective ‘fair’ to characterize the money,” I interrupted.

“.. a substantial amount of money. And in this era of unbalanced budgets...”

It turns out that the tax was established during the Kennedy administration because “all Americans should pay taxes”. Studies show that the tax has made it more expensive for Americans to work abroad and, as a result, has increased the trade deficit. The 6,000,000 Americans abroad have no political voice and nothing will change. They admitted that the tax caused lots of Americans Abroad to simply drop off the radar.

Tomorrow: the foreign bank account form.

The photo is from Lake Geneva near Montreaux

Currency

Upon returning to Switzerland, I can’t help but notice a plethora of complaints about the ‘inaccurate’ valuation of the Chinese currency. The Renminbi is, the internet claims, undervalued. According to fuzzy memories from an economics class that I took at Georgia Tech in an earlier era (Precambrian), this is a good situation for the American (and European) consumer. In short: Chinese imports are cheap.

Aside: Based on experience in Shenzhen, I can confirm that prices are low.

The Chinese economy is driven by exports. A cheap Renminbi, not only increases exports, it has allowed China to amass a vast reserve of US dollars.

“Hmm,” I think. “Is it smart to hold so very many dollars?”

I recall a few years ago that Japan had a similar policy – an export-driven economy that amassed a huge trade surplus in US dollars. There was worry that the Japanese economy would leave the US in the dust. There was consternation when a Japanese organization bought Rockefeller Center. There was enormous pressure on Japan to ‘correctly value’ the ¥en. There was a huge bubble in the Japanese real estate market: property in Tokyo was worth more than all of the United States.

Eventually, Japan gave into to pressure and revalued the currency. The economy stagnated, the bubble burst and the country has been in the economic doldrums for the last 20 years.

Hmm.. perhaps we see why there is resistance to revalutation from China. And, by the way, is it possible that a bubble is building up in China?

The photo has nothing to do with the posting; I’m just following through on an earlier promise.

Singapore and Hong Kong

How did the shopping go during your trip to Asia?

Hong Kong and Singapore are both known for superior shopping. My problem was, I suspect, typical. I could find very cheap things and very expensive things. (Sometimes both items looked very similar.) Both cities had a plethora of bespoke tailoring emporiums. I stuck with the one I’m familiar with in Hong Kong.

What about electronics?

In Shenzhen, a metro ride away from Hong Kong, they were selling ‘iPhones’ for around $39. However, while I like electronics, after getting a batch of custom-madesuits, it didn’t seem prudent to purchase electronics as well.

What about copy watches?

Not nearly as prevalent as they were, say, 10 years ago.

This was a business trip, right?

Well, the company paid for it.

How did the business portion go?

Lot’s of negotiation. The customer’s core competency is procurement. All of their procurement officials have graduated from the Pyongyang School of Negotiation in North Korea. Many took Master’s degrees in Iran.

Did you accomplish anything?

Of course.

What?

Well, I got a bit of a suntan in Singapore.

The photo is of the shopping area in Kowloon.

Happy New Year

The Vernal Equinox occurred yesterday, March 20 at 6:32PM CET. This time marked the official, scientific beginning of Spring. It also marked the Persian New Year.

Nazy and I visited the Oriental Palace Restaurant in Montreaux with friends for a typical Persian Lunch. The Restaurant building, constructed in the 1920’s is based on a Moroccan design. It commands a wonderful view of the Alps and Lake Geneva. (The view is more wonderful when it’s neither rainy nor foggy.)

After enjoying the lamb and rice (and yogurt and fruit, eggplant and tea), we strolled along the Lake. (The rain had become light drizzle.) We posed by the Freddy Mercury statue (see tomorrow’s photo) and followed Claudia’s convoluted directions back to Zürich.

[Claudia is the navigation computer on the car. She is blissfully unaware of ongoing construction projects on Swiss motorways and local streets.]

At home, following tradition, we called friends and relatives to wish the a Happy New Year. Naturally, Nazy had set up the traditional Halft-Seen.

Question and Answers

Did you take the photo of the Singapore Airlines A-380 that appeared in a recent post?

I was sitting inside the airplane in an aisle seat. The windows on the Airbus 380 are big (like everything on the airplane except the overhead compartments), but to take that picture, I would have needed to step outside. I’m sure that an attempt in open the door would not have been viewed as acceptable behavior.

I notice that you’re making extremely regular postings in this blog. Has your readership improved?

You are among the very few who have noticed.

Do you have more readers?

I can’t tell.

How are you enjoying your trip to Singapore?

It’s a new and shiny city. Everything works- although I did catch a taxi with a defective transmission. The financial district has been built on land reclaimed from the sea. (It was a lagoon when I first came to Singapore many years ago. The weather reminds me of Houston. Business remains challenging.

What is today’s photo?

The Singapore Flyer

I Came

I am in Singapore. The objective was to meet with the customer. The reality? This meeting was with the sourcing, i.e. procurement, group. The meeting began auspiciously:

“You came.” The customer began.

“Indeed,” I replied. “I came. I saw.”

“Hmm..”

“And tomorrow, I will conquer,” I thought.

“I can’t hear you,” the customer said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Your tie is so loud that it echoes.”

“Have you seen my socks?” I asked.

“Can you give me a better price for a bulk order?” He asked.

“A bulk order?” I replied – thinking of my bonus.

“We want 37 servers….”

“That’s not a bulk..”

“… in 7 countries.”

“And, Dan,” my colleague interjected, “all 37 are different models.”

“We want to lease the two in Indoesia.” Procurement was undaunted.

“No!” I thought. “It’s not a bulk order,” I replied. “Good Grief!” I thought. “There is an endless supply of procurement staff; I'm surrounded.”

Luckily, I had time to spend seeing a bit of Singapore.

Democracy and Rules

In Singapore, the topic of China and its economic progress arose.

“They were smart in China, Dan. They began with economic reform – leaving the politics for later.”

“Well…”

“And they’ve made tremendous progress.”

“I’ve heard that little has changed in the countryside.”

“But 300,000,000 people in the cities have improved lives.”

“Yes, but that leaves 800,000,000 behind. They have no voice. They can’t even vote.”

“Look at India, Dan. The infrastructure is a mess. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“If they want to build a road, they have to remove the squatters.”

“So?”

“All those squatters are voters. Democracy is fine – once things are working.”

“Democracy is..”

“The Americans always push democratic government, Dan – unless the wrong group wins the election. Like Palestine.”

“Palestine?”

“And Google is stupid.

“This conversation is flowing like a pinball dropping down a pachinko machine,” I thought.

“Google is making it possible for China to create a competitor.”

“This jellyfish is very good,” I replied as I fumbled with my chopsticks.

Singapore is a city of rules – the photo describes the rules of use for an escalator.

How High?

Hong Kong is crowded, messy and exciting. Singapore, on the other hand, is clean, new and shiny. Hong Kong is polluted. Singapore, except when they burn the fields in Indonesia, is clear and healthy. (It’s a rule: they have a lot of rules in Singapore.)

There are also differences between the USA and Singapore:

“How much do they pay your President, Dan?” David asked.

“I think it’s $400,000 a year.”

“We pay our leader s$2,000,000. And Singapore is just an island.”

“Our President also gets a house and a very big airplane.”

“You can’t get the best people if you don’t pay them well.”

“Are you sure, David? After all, HP has me.”

“The American approach means that your senators and congressman either need to be independently wealthy, or subservient to lobbyists.”

“Well – they could be simply civic-minded.”

Singapore, like Hong Kong, features a plethora of interconnected shopping malls. Because the malls feature the standard western brands, I simply wasn’t impressed. I checked the guidebook in the hotel for other local adventures. I decided to forgo the night safari in the 40 hectare nature reserve and the shopping tour of the major malls.

I went to the Singapore Flyer – the world’s largest Ferris Wheel. It’s 165 meters in diameter. The photo above clearly demonstrates the height: you can see the curvature of the Earth. (Or, it could be the curvature of the capsule glass that creates the illusion.)

The Airbus 380

“I’m flying on the A-380, the super-Jumbo,” I explained to David.

“Once you’re inside, it’s just another airplane, Dan.” David replied – perceptibly.

In Hong Kong, I took a taxi to the downtown air terminal and checked in for my flight.

“It’s a full flight,” the clerk informed me.

“All 471 seats?” I asked.

“Yes. But I can give you an aisle seat on the upper deck...”

“That sounds good.”

“… but its quite far in the back.”

“Doesn’t matter,” I replied. “I don’t like middle seats.”

“Here you are – seat 82G.”

“Very far back,” I thought.

The train to the airport was quick and smooth. I was disappointed that the airport factory outlet for Shanghi Tan items had closed. The airport “Duty Free” area was, predictably, vast – which was a bit funny since Hong Kong is a duty free city. (The shops guaranteed the same prices as the city proper.)

I looked at the airplane when I got to the gate. The photo (above) shows a sleek aircraft. On the ground, it looks, well, awkward. My seat was at the very back of the top deck; I had to walk by the sumptuous business class seats (the first class suites were blocked from view).

“Not a whole lot of overhead compartment room,” I thought.

Taxi to take-off position was bumpy.

“A lot of bounce in the back of the airplane,” I thought.

The flight was equally bouncy.

“Perhaps it’s just bad weather,” I thought.

The inflight magazine indicated that the Airbus 380 will begin flying to Zürich in a few weeks. (It also said that the currency in Zürich is the €uro which would be a surprise to the Swiss.)

The Singapore Airlines service was, as usual, impeccable and the landing was very smooth. The baggage claim belt was the l o n g e s t I’ve ever seen in my life.

“The next time I fly this airplane,” I thought. “I’ll use frequent flyer miles, fly with Nazy and book a suite.”

Hong Kong Changes

Some of my preconceived ideas about Hong Kong (based on several visits) were shattered on this visit.

Some, but not all. The sky and atmosphere remained cloudy reducing visability while making it mostly impossible to completely enjoy the city skyline. (Tops of the skyscrapers were hidden in the clouds.) There was, however, one day clear of fog and, surprisingly, the city was not enveloped in the traditional pollution. There were other surprises:

I thought back to my departure:

“Don’t forget your overcoat,” Nazy proclaimed.

“I’m going to Hong Kong and Singapore,” I replied. “An overcoat will be a burden.”

“It’s snowing in Zürich, Dan. And that’s where you are now.”

“I’ll just dash into the taxi. Don’t worry, I don’t need an overcoat.”

In fact, I had also secretly removed the sweaters from my luggage.

Predictably, it was cold in Hong Kong: temperatures actually hit the freezing mark at The Peak on Tuesday. I mentioned this to Nazy and her result was equally predictable.

“I told you so.”

In the 20 years that I’ve been visiting Hong Kong, the city has become, well, “more Chinese”. There are far more signs in Chinese and I found a few taxi drivers who didn’t speak English. One of my colleagues from Hong Kong agreed with my observation.

“That’s true. Years ago, everyone wanted to go to America. Now we are proud to be Chinese.”
Luckily, some American icons remain – see photo from Mainland China.

Mainland China

My trip to SAR (Special Administrative Region) Hong Kong was booked. David, our representative in Asia-Pacific suggested that I get a visa for China.

“I don’t need a visa for Hong Kong,” I explained.

“We may have time to take the train to China..”

“Non-Special Administrative Region (NSAR)?” I thought.

“.. and I you will need a visa.”

“Right.” I replied.

There is a China Consulate in Zürich and the visa process is very easy and, notably, very quick and efficient. In fact, it took far longer for me to get new pages put in my US passport at the American embassy than it took to get a visa to China.

Aside: Nazy recently had to visit the Iranian Embassy in Bern and, like my visit to the Chinese consulate, it was very easy to gain entrance and file the appropriate forms. On the other hand, the Chinese efficiently provided the requested visa. Three months later, although she quickly filed the forms, Nazy is still waiting for a response from Iran.

Yesterday, David and I took the Metro from Hong Kong island to Kowloon and then took a train to mainland China. We walked across a (covered) bridge over the river that marks the border into a shopping mall. We walked through the mall and jumped on the subway into the city center, arriving in a shopping mall. We walked through the city center which is, eh, a shopping mall. We asked about ‘the sights’ and were directed to a shopping mall.

“Perhaps we should do some shopping,” David said.

“We’re surrounded by fake western brands,” I replied. “How would we recognize quality?”

“You’re right, Dan. There are good quality fakes and bad quality fakes. But..”

“But?”

“If you want good quality items, you should buy mainland China brands. Those are controlled and counterfeit items are not allowed.”

“They can’t control counterfeiting of western brands, but they can control counterfeits of Chinese bands?”

“Precisely.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t recognize any of the Chinese brands.

It's only a car

“See,” Nazy told Jessica as she maneuvered our new car into the tight garage, “we have Park Distance Control. It’s impossible to..”

She was interrupted by a crunch. (Park distance control has sensors at the front and rear, not on the sides.)

Distraught, Nazy called me.

“It’s only a car, Nazy.” I replied. “It can be fixed.”

I hadn’t always been so calm about cars. The very first time Melika got behind the wheel of VAN-GO, our prized Chameleon (purple in the sun, pink in rain) colored Windstar, she attempted to drive 200 meters up the driveway in Hanover. At the 190 meter mark, Melika mixed up the gas and brake pedals. She slammed VAN-GO into the stone wall next to the garage.

As the car bounced back, Darius dove out and ran for cover. Melika, foot firmly on the accelerator rammed the wall again – and again. I can’t say that I calm when Nazy called me in Boston with the news.

In fact, each of the kids had some car problems. Mitra, who grew up in The Netherlands never learned to drive as a teenager. She went to Princeton and then took a job in New York. After several years she moved to Los Angeles where she actually lived without a car for an entire year. When she finally surrendered, Darius offered to help her learn to drive. I remember asking him how it was going.

“Well, Dad,” Darius said. “Mitra doesn’t do some things that most people do when they’re driving.”

“Really?” I asked. “Like what?”

“Like looking out through the front windshield.”

Darius, on the other hand, thought that taking a car into the shop for service was ‘pointless’. He actually put 60,000 miles on the car without ever changing the oil. The point became clear when the engine seized.

Naturally, I’ve never had any car problems. Almost. There was an event on an icy road in Vermont with a Datsun 280Z, an 18 wheeler and a Land Rover.

Nazy wants readers to know that her parking foible did not take place recently.

The Hong Kong Trip

“Think positive, Dan. I’m sure you’ll be able to upgrade at the airport.” As always, Nazy was optimistic about my chances to move to business class.

And, also as usual, Swiss International Airlines was less accommodating.

“Business class,” the clerk announced, “is oversold. We’re looking for a business class passenger willing to fly tomorrow in exchange for 2500 Francs.”

“Hmm,” I thought. “An upgrade looks unlikely.”

In fact, the flight to Hong Kong was completely sold out. However, as a seasoned traveler, I am able to fall asleep instantly – even in a cramped and uncomfortable Airbus 340. Demonstrating this ability, after adjusting my noise-canceling earphones, I fell asleep before the airplane left the gate. I woke up later with a cramp in my neck, a crick in my back and general feeling of weariness.

“Well,” I thought. “I hope that we’re somewhere over India.”

In fact, we were at the de-icing station.

“This may be more difficult that I had hoped,” I thought – accurately.

We eventually took off and getting to (back to) sleep proved more tricky that I had hoped. The flight droned on (and on and on). In contrast, my inflight entertainment system, with 22 different movies, a zillion television programs, games and audio was broken. I could only watch the camera view – which showed 12 hours of clouds. As scheduled, we arrived, in the rain, 12 hours later. (I had a good view of our landing.)

I called Nazy to report a safe arrival.

“You have all the fun,” Nazy announced. “You get to go to Hong Kong.”

The Pony Express

Surely you don’t actually have a customer that is looking for a Pony Express message delivery.

Stop calling me Shirley.

Do you have a customer that is looking for a Pony Express-based message delivery service?

No – that was poetic license.

But it didn’t rhyme.
Do you have a dime?
I ask the questions here.
Want a beer, my dear?

Where did you get your poetic license?
I live in Switzerland, so it wasn’t easy – lots of forms and fees. I wanted to specialize in limericks, but the Swiss couldn’t grasp the concept.

What was your point in the Pony Express blog posting?

Customers often get so interested in the technical details that they miss the big picture. In short, people like to talk about things they understand. Change is difficult and challenging. Many customers, especially those in the financial services arena, are absolutely convinced that they are brilliant and error-free. The fact that they misplaced several hundred billion dollars, almost cratered the global economy and produce almost nothing of value does not alter this view.

The marble boat is an example of an out-of-date technical solution. (But it looks good.)

The Ambulance

May 2007

Someone born in 1986 with the identifier D. Martin takes an ambulance to a Santa Barbara hospital. He skips out without paying for the ride.

Dan Martin (your author), born 1946 is spending the week in London.

Nazy and Melika Martin are in San Francisco planning to drive to Santa Barbara for Melika’s summer associate work at ‘The Firm’.

Darius Martin, born in 1981, is ‘enjoying’ Iceland.

Mitra Martin is dancing in Los Angeles.

May 2009

The Bank of America sends me a note reducing the line of credit on my Visa card because of “a report of delinquency on a different account”. I immediately call to get more details and I’m directed to a collection agency. My interaction with them is mistake-filled:

“What bill are you talking about?” I asked.

“Just answer a few questions and I’m sure we can clear this up. What is your social security number and full name?”

Answering was, of course, a mistake. The credit agency appended this information to the history file – making it difficult to clear things up.

In the end – and it took a long time – the company admitted that they had made a mistake. The Bank of America apologized. My credit report was corrected. And..

February 2010

They’re back! A new collection agency has sent a nasty letter wanting to be paid for an ambulance ride by Daniel Martin (with my Social Security Number) in Santa Barbara during May of 2007. I explained the situation, noting that although I am much older than the purported patient, I’m not so old that I would have forgotten going to the hospital. The agency is understanding. “There is nothing you can do.”

“Can I speak with the Ambulance company?”

“You could, but they’ve sold this invoice to us and won’t have any information.”

“The police?”“I don’t see how they can help.”

The photo is a sunset - sort of like the sun is setting on my good credit history.

INKing the Deal

The customer asked for a ‘first class’ visit.

“First Class?” I thought. “That seems like a very dated expression. For example, I haven’t flown ‘First Class’ for many years.”

The customer wanted corporate gifts – pens and leather portfolios. Since a closure on a big deal was in the cards, we wanted to oblige. Naturally, following corporate procedure (and process) was mandatory. This meant that we couldn’t simply find a supplier and purchase the gifts. We had to acquire the items from the corporate gift center.

My assistant, an expert in the process, was annoyed to discover that:

“They are out of stock on the best stuff, Dan.”

“If we can’t get best, I’ll settle for better.”

“Unavailable.”

“How about ‘good’?”

“We might be able to get ‘not embarrassing’. Will that do?”

It would have – had we been able to deliver. The gift center process provides just in time (JIT) delivery. (Since many meetings are ultimately cancelled, the JIT approach means that ‘not embarrassing’ gifts are only dispatched when a meeting is firmly confirmed.) Astonishingly, our JIT Cross Pens arrived, well, Just In Time.

The customer discovered that the pens were JNI: Just No Ink. Refills, i.e. the part of the pen that contains the ink, were back ordered. In short – we gave gifts that didn’t work. It’s sort of like delivering servers without memory. (Oops! Been there. Done that.)

The customer was not amused. My assistant was not amused. And, today, 2 weeks after the workshop, the refills arrived – in an ink stained box. In the name of 'operational efficiency' we purchased generic refills.

“See,” I explained to the customer. “It would have been much worse if we had presented the total package. You’d have an ink-stained shirt.”

The photo is of Mt. Fuji in Japan. Ink is not permitted to leak in Japan.

Tsunami: The Tidal Ripple

CNN was in crisis mode. The devastating earthquake in Chile had spawned a Tsunami warning along the California (and Alaska) coast, across the Pacific Ocean. ‘Backstory’, was replaced by CNN America. The focus was on Hilo.

“The Tsunami, moving across the Pacific at 500 mph, is scheduled to hit Hilo at 11:04,” the newsreader reported.

The television showed a remarkably calm body of water with..

“There’s someone swimming.! Get him out of there.!” The newscaster, appalled, remarked.

As the camera panned across the bay, we could see helicopters hovering, Breathless reporters reported..

“Nothing is happening. Scientists note that predictions can be ‘off’ by as much as an hour. It will begin as the sea pulls away from the shoreline…”

Nothing happened for almost an hour. Then:

“We’re seeing some discoloration in the water.”

“Hmm,” I thought.

Eventually, the water level in the bay rose by 3 inches. It was a tidal ripple.

[Aside: Swimming my laps this morning, I discovered that Tsunami’s can occur in swimming pools. When a gargantuan ‘swimmer’ entered the pool, the water level rose by about 3 inches. And, later, I was able to detect some discoloration…]

While it is important to be safe rather than sorry, warnings about things that don’t happen (the Hawaiian Tsunami) while missing things that did happen (the Chilean Earthquake) does not engender popular confidence in scientists. Along those lines, how many of my dedicated readers got a swine flu shot?

The photo is from Hawaii – taken about 10 years ago.

How many miles?

The Hong Kong/Singapore trip is booked. The travel division eventually agreed to a series of non-stop flights.

Disclaimer: Nothing that I said had any impact on the division. However, Marieke, administrative assistant par excellence, told them that the non-stop flights had been authorized by an Executive Vice President one hemisphere, several time zones and multiple management levels removed.

Now that I was on the right flight, I moved into Upgrade mode. “After all,” I thought, “I have the miles and I’m worth it.”

“Do you have the miles?” Nazy asked.

“Of course,” I replied. “But we may need to delay our trip to Australia.”

Swiss International Airlines was less positive.

“Business Class is sold out on Saturday,” the clerk informed me.

“What about Sunday?”

“There are no business class seats to Hong Kong on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I can put you on the waiting list.”

“Hmm,” I replied. “How many miles does it take to upgrade?”

“65,000”

“Round trip?”

“One way.”

“That’s absurd,” I thought. “It only takes 150,000 for a round trip, open jaw business class ticket to Asia.”

“You might try bringing cash to the airport.” The clerk had the final word.